Sydrian RoundUp
by sksai
Summary: A Collection Sydrian One Shots on the lemony side, because the world needs more Sydrian lemons. Rated M because There will be lemons, lemony-fluff, whatever! Enjoy the sydrian goodness. Was in the VA section but I've moved it to Bloodlines. Didn't really know which was better to put it in before, but we'll let it rest here for now.
1. Chapter 1 - Stranded

**Sydrian - Stranded: Part 1**

Adrian had spent the past week in San Francisco. He said he knew some people who were going to be there, old friends of his he wanted to catch up with, but I couldn't help feeling the real reason he'd gone was to get away from me. Things had been, to put it lightly, tense between us ever since he kissed me.

I was surprised when my phone lit up early this morning, his name flashing across the screen. I let it ring 3 times, debating whether or not to answer. Of course in the end, I had to.

"Hello?" I had asked uncertainly.

"Hey..." Adrian's voice had a strange quality to it, like he was as uncertain as I was. "Sage, it's Adrian."

"I know." I said.

"So, here's the thing." he paused again, "I'm sort of stuck in Bakersfield. At the airport. Flight was delayed for some reason or another, I don't know."

I blinked, unsure what he was getting at. "That...um...sucks." I said awkwardly, "But what do you want me to do about it?

He sighed heavily, "Look, I know I've got no right to ask and this a really big favor and trust me you're the last person I want to bother with this but..."

"But..." I prompted, my heart filling with dread at what he was about to ask.

"Could you...come get me?"

"You've got to be kidding me." I blurted out harshly before I could stop myself. "I'm sorry," I said immediately after, "But why exactly should I do that? You've been treating me like a leper ever since..." I swallowed, not able to say what we'd done out loud. "You know."

He sighed again. "I know, like I said, I know I've got no right to ask." he sounded eerily serious. "And I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, it's just not really been easy for me, you know? Seeing you every day after-" hes stopped abruptly, "Nevermind. Now's not the time to have this discussion. I'm sorry I brought it up. Hell, I'm sorry I called you. This isn't your problem. I'll talk to you later, Sage."

"Wait!" I said with an urgency that surprised me, "Wait. No. I'll do it."

"You will?" Adrian's voice was incredulous.

"Yes." I said decisively. "But on one condition."

The familiar smarmy quality had returned to Adrian's voice as he chuckled. "Oh? What condition would that be?"

"Only if you promise that things can go back to normal between us."

There was a silence. "Back to normal..." he repeated, all the playfulness gone from his voice again. "What's that mean, exactly?"

"That we can friends again." I said, "Obviously."

"Ah." he said, his tone clipped. "Alright. Fine. Consider us B-2-B-F."

"What does that mean?" I asked, furrowing my brow up, trying to decipher his wording.

"Back to being friends. Jesus, Sage. Get with the times."

"I don't think that's a widely used acronym," I countered. "Did you just make that up?"

"Are you calling me an acronym falsifier?" Adrian's voice rose dramatically.

"Falsifier? Who taught you that word?" I couldn't help but smile, things felt better between us already.

"I have my sources, Sage. I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you."

I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see me. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you." he said softly, his voice dropping in seriousness. "Really, I appreciate it."

"Yeah, yeah." I said, trying to ignore the heat rushing to my cheeks. "See you soon."

I should have known a 3 hour road trip with Adrian Ivashkov was a terrible idea.

It had been going quite smoothly, Adrian had been on somewhat good behavior, I could count on one hand the inappropriate comments he made since I'd picked him up from the airport. I'd been almost enjoying myself, letting myself fall back into the comfort zone I always seemed to find with Adrian. He looked stunning, as per usual. So annoyingly handsome in his I just rolled out of bed way. I'd been lamenting on his inconvenient beauty when my car unexpectly sputtered to a halt.

"What's happening?" Adrian asked, sitting up from his sprawled position in the passenger seat.

"I don't know..." I said, "But that definitely didn't sound good. Ugh, stay here. I'm going to go look under the hood."

Adrian wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "If I had a dollar for every time I heard a girl say that."

After a few minutes of observation I knew two things. One: my radiator was cracked. And two: by some horrible, awful, cruel twist of fate, Adrian and I were stuck together for the forseeable future. I called Eddie on my cell and explained the situation. He said he'd figure out a way to come get us and call me back. I couldn't call a tow service, I didn't have enough money on me, plus it was dangerous to involve anyone we didn't know, they'd ask too many questions.

"I could just compel them," Adrian offered. "Free ride. No questions asked. Problem solved."

"No." I said, adamantly. "How can you even suggest that? That would be...wrong." Widly helpful, but inexcusably wrong.

"Fine." Adrian slumped back in his seat. He closed his eyes. I noticed his skin looked a little paler than usual. The expression on his face gave off discomfort.

"Adrian..." I said, eyeing him curiously. "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" he asked, his eyes flickering open. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why?"

"You..." I bit my lip. "You don't look so good."

He shook his head, angling his body away from me. "It's nothing."

"No, it's not." now I was worried. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I don't want you to freak out."

"I'm not going to freak out." I replied, defensive.

He snorted, "You're already freaking out."

"Because something's wrong and you're not telling me!" I snapped.

He sighed. "Look, it's not a huge deal, but...I just..." he eyed me for a long moment, as if he was deciding whether or not to continue. "I haven't had blood in...awhile."

I gaped at him. "How long is awhile?"

His eyebrows knitted together in thought. "About...let's see...40ish hours?"

"Adrian!" I exclaimed in horror. "Why on Earth have you gone that long without blood? What were you thinking?"

"That I'd be back in Palm Springs hours ago," he replied haughtily. "It's not like I planned for this to happen."

"I'm sorry," I conceded, feeling bad for jumping on him. "What's going to happen? Are you going to be sick?"

"I don't know." he said, closing his eyes again and leaning back against the seat. "I feel sick. And the sun beating down on me isn't really helping. I guess we'll see."

20 minutes passed by without any more word from Eddie. Adrian's condition was rapidly worsening. He was sweating profusely, his skin was growing paler by the minute. It was feverish to the touch. To my surprise, he hadn't complained like I would have expected, but I could tell he was in agony. I was reminded of the day Jill had gotten sick at school from too much sun exposure.

"Adrian," I said softly, placing my hand gently over his. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Seeing him like this sparked something deep inside me, I felt a surge of overwhelming need to protect him, to make him better.

He shook his head slowly, "No." his voice was hoarse and pained, it made my heart squeeze in my chest. "Not unless you've got a secret blood supply you've been waiting for the right moment to tell me about."

I smiled weakly, rubbing my thumb against his hand reassuringly. "I'm sure Eddie will call back soon. I texted him and told him whoever comes needs to bring blood."

Adrian nodded his head once in thanks. I threaded my fingers through his and squeezed, hoping that gave him some sort of small comfort. He squeezed back weakly.

At that moment a lightbulb went off in my brain. Because I did happen to have a supply of blood on me, or well, in me, if you wanted to get technical about it.

I took a deep breath and scooted closer to Adrian. "Hey," I said barely above a whisper. "I have an idea."

"I'm not sure if it will work." I added when he didn't respond. I remember how the strigoi had reacted to tasting my blood. It had made them sick, for reasons still unknown to me. I shuddered at the memory, forcing it away. I couldn't believe I was about to do this but well, Adrian was only going to get worse. If someone didn't get here soon...I didn't even want to think about it. This was something that simply had to be done. I had to do this. I had to help my friend.

I unbuttoned the first few buttons of my top and slid it down my shoulder. "Adrian." I said again, I moved until I was straddling him. That got his attention. His eyes snapped open. He blinked, taking me in. "Sage..." his voice was strangled, confused. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I don't know if you'll able to feed from me," I said, brushing my hair out of the way, leaving my neck completely exposed. "But you need to at least try, okay?"

He stared at me, like I was speaking a foreign language. Then he finally said, "No."

"Why not?"

"I am not feeding from you, Sage." he sounded almost...disgusted.

As twisted as it was, it hurt my feelings a little bit. "It's the only option you have." I said brusquely. "Sorry if I'm not your first choice."

He scoffed. "You don't get it, Sage. Me drinking your blood is like..." he closed his eyes tightly. "I don't have the strength to explain it. It's intimate."

I gulped, the word blood whore flashing through my mind. "It doesn't have to be." I said evenly. "I'm doing this because you need it. You're sick and you're my friend and you need my help. Simple as that."

He shook his head. "No, not simple as that. You know how I feel about you. I can't just..." he eyed my bare neck, a look of undeniable longing passing over his face. "No. No, I don't want to. Not like this."

"Adrian!" I sighed, exasperated. "You're just going to have to get over it! I don't want to do this anymore than you do but you're growing weaker by the minute. If you don't-"

My words were cut short by Adrian roughly pulling me up against him. I gasped when I felt his mouth against my neck. He hesitated for a moment, then I felt his fangs pierce into my skin. I closed my eyes tightly. It hurt. Then, it didn't. I felt warm all over and realized the endorphins were kicking in. Lovely. "Don't take too much," I murmured sleepily, "Just enough for you to...feel better..."

My whole world was dissolving. There was no car on the road, no road at all, no ground, no Earth, nothing. Just Adrian all around me. I could feel his hands gripping my waist, his mouth still at my neck, his chest pressed tightly against mine, his heartbeat against mine. I swear they were beating in sync. My head dropped forward sluggishly,I was hyper-aware of everything about him. The smell of his cologne mixed with his sweat, the pressure of his fingers, Adrian Adrian Adrian Adrian. The whole world was Adrian. God, he was wonderful. I loved everything about him. I loved his hair and his eyes and his lips and his hands. I loved the way he talked and smiled and always understood me. I loved the way this felt. I never wanted him to stop. I needed him this close forever.

Too soon, he pulled away from me, his grip on me loosening. The loss of contact was like being drenched with a bucket of ice water. I whimpered, trying to pull him back.

"Shhh," I heard him whisper, his hands rubbing my back. "It's okay. You're okay. I'm right here."

I wasn't okay. I needed him. I needed him that close to me again. We were worlds apart now, like we always would be. He was a royal Moroi and I was an Alchemist and we could never, ever be together. I felt tears springing to my eyes.

"Sage," his voice was more urgent now. I could feel his hands on my face, his thumbs wiping away my tears. "It's okay. It's over now. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I won't ever do that again."

"You won't?" my voice came out in a strange high pitch, almost child-like. "Why not? Did my blood taste bad?"

He chuckled then, his hands moving away from my face. I tried to focus my eyes on him but my vision was still a bit blurry. "No," he said after a long moment. "Your blood doesn't taste bad."

"Really?" I asked, smiling stupidly. "I wonder why the strigoi couldn't stomach it."

"Strigoi are known for having unabashedly bad taste." Adrian said with a sly grin.

"You've been using a lot of big words lately," I slurred, my vision slowly stabilizing. "It's...sexy. You're sexy. Did you know that?"

"It's something I've always wondered about," Adrian was laughing now. "Glad to have it finally confirmed. You're really out of it, Sage."

"Do you feel better?" I asked, ignoring him.

"I do. Thank you." his hands were at my waist again. "Are you okay? I know that wasn't easy for you to endure."

"Are you kidding?" I blurted. "It was...wonderful. I've never felt anything so amazing. I think the Earth stopped moving. It was cataclysmic."

Adrian laughed again, pulling me closer. I let my head fall on his shoulder. "Cataclysmic, huh?"

"Mmhmm." I murmurmed.

His lips pressed against my ear. "I think it's sexy when you use big words, too."

I blushed, slowly starting to return to reality. "Well. How would you describe it?"

"That was...definitely something." he said, his voice dropping into a lower register. "I've never felt anything like it before. I felt..." he paused, "really close to you. If that's okay to say. You taste incredible. I don't know if I can really put it into words. I was so lost in you, I think I would have forgotten my own name, if you hadn't been chanting it like a mantra."

I froze, pulling back to look at him. "I said your name out loud?"

He smirked devilishly. "You were wearing it out."

I blushed madly, covering my face with my hands. "Oh, God."

"Don't be embarrassed," he whispered. "It was hot, Sage. Really hot."

"It wasn't supposed to be!" I whined, embarrassment flooding through me. "I was just trying to help you."

"I know." he said, giving me a reassuring smile. "Endorphins are a helluva drug, you've handled yourself with grace, I promise."

I untangled myself from him and slid back into the driver's seat. "Well. Did you get enough? I mean, are you going to be okay now?" I studied him, now that I wasn't a doped up mess. He looked less pale, but still not as lively as he usually did.

"It definitely helped. But, if Eddie doesn't come through before the end of the day, I might...need a little more."

"But don't worry," he added quickly when he saw the look on my face. "I wouldn't dream of asking you to do that again. Here," he placed his fingers on my neck. I briefly felt the warmth of his magic flow through me. "Good as new." he let them linger there for a moment before dropping them back into his lap.

"I'm going to call Eddie again." I said, needing to focus on something else. My head was swimming. "If you need more blood," I paused, biting my lip. "If you really need more later on, then I don't have a problem...helping you again.

His eyebrows shot up. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said, clearing my throat as I dialed Eddie for the millionth time. "After all, what are friends for?"

_to be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2 - Stranded pt 2

**Sydrian - Stranded pt. 2**

_A/N: I had to get a proper angsty one out of my system first. So warning preparing yourself for full angst ahead. The next few will most likely be fluffier/more light-hearted. And they'll get more graphic as well, of course. Because why not! And if anyone has any requests/prompts/unfulfilled sydrian fantasies you want me to base a chapter on feel free to let me know, I'd be happy to do it. _

Eddie finally called me back almost 40 minutes later.

"What's been going on?" I was nearly hysterical when I answered. "I've been calling and calling."

"I've been trying to find a way to get to you guys." Eddie sounded annoyed. "What's the big emergency? I mean, well, aside from the obvious."

"Didn't you get my text?" I asked.

"What? No, sorry. Let me look now." he paused, "Oh. Wait, why do you need blood?"

"Adrian's sick. He hasn't had blood in two days."

"Oh, crap." Eddie's voice was serious now. "How did he even let that happen?"

"That's beside the point!" I snapped, "But you need to get here as soon as possible."

"Maybe you guys should call an ambulance or something, I mean, Jeez, I don't know. That long without blood is not good, Syd. You could make up a story, say he's dehydrated or something. Then once you get to a hospital Adrian could just compel-"

"No!" I shouted. "Why do you people always resort to mind control at the drop of a hat? We're not compelling anyone." Adrian eyed me from the passenger seat, an amused expression on his face.

"You people, huh?" Eddie teased, mock hurt in his voice. "I thought you were past all that racial prejudice."

"I'm sorry," I sighed, actually feeling bad for being so short with Eddie. None of this was his fault, or his problem, he didn't have to help us but he was trying. "I'm just stressed out and I'm worried about Adrian. " That earned me another even more amused look from Adrian. I glared at him in return.

"Sydney, I have to be honest. I don't know if I'll be able to get to you guys for another couple hours. And that's best case scenario."

"We could hold out for another couple hours," I said, looking to Adrian for confirmation. He made a face but nodded.

Eddie sighed, I could almost see him shaking his head. "No, Sydney. You're going to have to get Adrian to a hospital. He needs blood, like yesterday."

I cleared my throat. "Well, he's had a little bit. He thinks that will hold him until you can get to us."

"Where'd you get blood if you're stranded on the side of the road?" Eddie wanted to know.

"I gave him some of mine," I tried to sound casual, as if that were no big deal.

There was a long pause followed by a strange cracking sound. Then Eddie's voice returned. "Sorry, I just dropped my phone. Did you just say you gave Adrian some of _your _blood?"

"What was I supposed to do?" I asked, my voice rising. "You should have seen him. He looked like he was dying."

"Thanks Sage," Adrian mumbled from the passenger seat.

"Hey, I'm not judging!" Eddie said quickly. "That's just...wow. I would have never expected...I mean, it's none of my business, anyway. You guys are both adults-"

"Eddie!" I exclaimed, blushing. "It was not...like that. It was an emergency. He needed blood and I gave him some. That's all it was. Please keep me updated on how soon you'll be getting here. I'm hanging up the phone now."

I snapped my phone shut before I could embarrass myself further. I refused to look at Adrian, who I'm sure had a full arsenal of inappropriate comments to throw my way.

"Does he know when he'll be here?" Adrian surprised me by asking, his voice didn't have a hint of sarcasm to it.

"He said a couple of hours at best." I checked the time. "At least the sun will start to go down soon. That'll be better for you, right?"

Adrian nodded, but something about him seemed off.

"Are you okay?" I asked, looking at him with concern. He certainly appeared to be better. He wasn't sweating anymore and his voice didn't sound like it was full of gravel, but maybe that didn't mean anything.

"Yeah." he said, distantly.

"What's wrong now?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said, still with that strange monotone in his voice.

I sighed. "You're doing the Adrian thing."

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? What is the Adrian Thing?"

"When you act all moody and weird out of nowhere. And won't say what's bothering you."

"I don't do that," he scoffed. He looked away, "Maybe I do a little."

"What is it, then?" An uncomfortable thought suddenly occurred to me. "Is it because you're stuck with me?"

He rolled his eyes. "How can you be the smartest person I've ever met, yet also the most clueless?"

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, it's so awful being stuck with the girl I'm crazy about in a secluded vehicle in the middle of nowhere." His voice dripped with sarcasm, "You nursing me back to health with kinky vampire sex isn't like a dark twisted fantasy of mine, or anything."

I nearly choked. "Excuse me? When did that happen?"

He rolled his eyes. "Are you going to pretend like it didn't? Like how you're pretending you don't have feelings for me?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I said, putting my hands up. My heart was thudding against my chest anxiously. "First of all, I'm not pretending anything. If you're referring to you drinking my blood, I would hardly call that...sex."

"Sage, I'm a vampire." Adrian said dryly. "It may not have been sex by most people's definition, but it's in the same vein." He gave a humorless laugh. "No pun intended."

"But I didn't do it to be sexual, I did it because you needed blood. And because you're my friend."

He scoffed. "Do you writhe against all your other friends and moan their names too?"

Then I really did choke. "I didn't even know I was doing that!" I shouted. "As soon as the endorphins kicked in I felt...I felt...I don't know...crazy! I wasn't myself, clearly."

"Okay, Sage. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I sleep just fine at night, thank you very much!" Well, this conversation escalated quickly. "Why are you getting so mad at me?"

He chuckled, "You're the one getting mad."

"I am not!" I yelled, then realized I was just proving his point. I lowered my voice. "I'm sorry if I made you think that was something it wasn't but...I was just...I was just trying to help you."

"Well, you can't blame me for taking it the wrong way." he quipped bitterly.

"Well next time I try to help you, I'll take that into consideration."

"Maybe you should just stop trying to help me," he said with disdain.

"Maybe you should just stop being obsessed with me." I shot back.

Oops. That was definitely not what I wanted to say.

Adrian stared at me momentarily in disbelief. He shook his head once and then got out of the car and started walking away.

"Ugh!" I groaned in frustration, getting out to follow him. "Adrian!" I called. "Where are you going?"

"Don't know, don't care." he replied breezily. "Anywhere that's away from you."

"That's really mature of you," I jogged to catch up to him. "Look, I'm sorry I said that. It came out all wrong. I'd be mad at me if I were you too, but you're going to make yourself sicker, just come back-"

He whipped around to face me. "See? That's exactly what I mean. You think I'm upset because you yelled at me? Because you hurt my feelings? I'm mad because I know you're lying to yourself about how you feel about me. It's gotten so glaringly obvious it's just embarrassing to listen to you do it."

I stepped back like I'd been slapped. "Why does it have to be all or nothing with you?" I asked, fighting back tears. "Of course I have feelings for you, I care about you. But just because it's not the way you want me to care about you it's not good enough?"

Everything about him softened. "Don't..." he said, moving closer to me. "Don't cry."

"I"m not crying!" I wiped roughly at my face to make sure no rogue tears were spilling.

"I'm sorry," he said, reaching for me. "I guess I turn into an asshole when I go without blood." he smirked. "What's your excuse?"

I let him pull me to him, tired of fighting him, of fighting myself, tired of everything.

"I'm just...scared." I finally said, looking down.

He titled my chin up to meet his gaze. "Of me?"

"No," I said quietly, my eyes locked on his. "of how I feel about you."

He smiled softly and kissed me on the forehead. "That's okay." He released me and started to walk back to the car.

I trailed after him, confused. "What do you mean, that's okay?"

"I mean exactly that." he said, looking back at me briefly before he continued walking. "I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do, Sage. I just wanted you to be honest with me. That's all I needed." I noticed his breathing had gone jagged again.

"You've got yourself all worked up." I said, putting my hands on his shoulders. "You shouldn't wasted so much energy."

He shrugged. "I'll be fine."

I wasn't convinced. "Adrian..." I sighed, "if you need more, it's okay-"

"I don't." he said, before I could finish my sentence. "I mean, I will eventually. But I took enough from you to last me for awhile. I won't feel completely okay until I get more, but it's not a big deal. Trust me."

We were standing in front of the car now. I hesitated before getting back in. "Did it..." I paused, unsure how to continue. "I mean, I don't know if this is rude to ask but, have you ever fed from someone you were...um...attracted to before?"

Adrian raised his eyebrows. "Very rude to ask."

"I'm sorry," I blushed. "The only reason I brought it up-"

"I'm kidding, Sage. " Adrian chuckled. "I'm not offended. I mean, I'm not going to give you the dirty details, but yes. I have."

"Trust me, I don't want them." I said, an unfamiliar icy feeling creeped over me. Was I jealous?

"Why do you ask?"

"I just wondered if it always...felt that way." I said, trying not to blush "I mean...you compared it to sex."

He smirked, an amused glint in his eyes. "No. It doesn't always feel that way. Not for me, any way. Sometimes it's just you know, like eating or drinking. But when it's with someone you want, or when you're aroused, then...it's different."

"I felt like I was going crazy," I whispered, remembering the disorienting euphoria I'd experienced. "It was like you were the only thing in the universe. No, you were the universe. I felt like we were so..." I struggled to explain, "close. Like we were one. I felt like I was going to die if you stopped. When you did stop it was awful. It...it hurt. To have you so close one minute and so far away the next." I shook my head. "I'm not making any sense."

"You are," he said, his voice was soft as silk. "I felt the same way, but then, that pretty much sums up how I always feel about you."

I moved toward him. "Are you sure you don't need more?"

"I'm sure," he said, taking hold of my hands. "Unless..." he paused, smirking. "You want me to, don't you?"

I swallowed, feeling guilty and a little disgusted with myself. "Maybe..."

"It's okay to want it," he said, pulling me close to him again. "You know that right? It's okay to want things that feel good." He put his hands on my waist and sat me up on the hood of the car. "Just tell me what you want." his voice was like liquid sugar.

"You know," I said, shyly.

"Yeah, but I want you to say it."

I couldn't. I couldn't say anything. So I just pulled him forward and kissed him. He froze for a moment, surprised by my sudden forcefulness, then melted into the kiss, threading his fingers through my hair. God, he was an even better kisser than I remembered. His lips were so soft and warm against mine. Then they were against my jaw, then my neck. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. He was nibbling at the skin of my neck, teasing me with his tongue and teeth.

"Do you want it?" he whispered.

"Not yet," I murmured, pulling him back to my mouth. We kissed like that for awhile. His hands traveled lazily down my body, stopping at my knees to pull my legs apart and wrap them around him. My hands did a tentative exploration of their own, finding their way underneath his shirt to feel his bare chest.

"Sage," he whispered, breaking away from my mouth to trail kisses down my neck again. "I want you so bad," he paused between kisses, "in every way."

"I want you so bad_ly_." I whispered back, correcting his grammar.

He chuckled. "I was hoping you'd say that."

I tilted my head away, giving him more access to my neck. "Okay," I said, "I'm ready now."

He didn't hesitate this time, I felt the sharp pain of his fangs plunging into my neck right before the world gave way again. His hands gripped my waist tightly, my legs were still wrapped around him. I let my head fall back, losing myself to the ecstasy of it all. I trusted him completely. I wanted him, I needed him, I _loved _him. "Adrian," I sighed, clinging to him for dear life. He made a low sound in his throat and brought one hand up to the back of my head, pulling me closer still. Our bodies writhed against each other. Sparks ignited all across my skin, where ever he touched. Minutes or seconds or days or months later, I felt him pulling away slowly, lapping up any blood that had trickled down around my neck and collar bone with his tongue. He kissed the bite wound on my neck tenderly, and I could tell he was healing it again. His hands were on the sides of my face, pulling my head forward until it rested against his.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

I nodded. "You?"

"I'm fantastic." he smiled. He licked his lips, cleaning my blood from them. "You taste so unbelievably good."

I smiled, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing. "So do you."

He laughed. "That was almost better than sex."

"Really?" I asked in disbelief.

"Wasn't it good for you?" he teased, kissing me softly.

"Of course. It was amazing for me. But I've never had sex, so I wouldn't know." I blushed at my admission.

"Well," he said, his hands sliding down until they found my waist, placing me gently back on the ground. "I guess that will be next on our to-do list."


	3. Beginner's Luck

_A/N: we now travel to the other end of the spectrum, prepare for fluff on fluff on fluff. And a little side of *squirts lemon juice in your eye* enjoy!_

**Sydrian - Beginner's Luck**

"This is unbelievable." Adrian mumbled under his breath.

"What is?" I asked innocently.

"How good you are!" his voice was full of wonder and a little resentment.

"I don't even know what I'm doing." I said, a little amazed at myself. "I'm not even really trying, to be honest."

My boyfriend scoffed dramatically, "There's no way. This can't be your first time."

"It is so!" I exclaimed, heat rising to my cheeks. "Why would I lie?"

"I don't know," Adrian mused, "to throw me off my game."

I stopped what I was doing with my hands and stared at him. "That is quite literally the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"I refuse to believe this is your first time. No one's this good at first."

"Maybe I'm just a natural," I teased, a wicked grin on my lips. "I'm just as surprised as you are. I thought you'd be better at this. You told me you were really good."

This time it was Adrian's turn to blush. "Well! So sorry to unimpress. It's all your fault, anyway. You're making me nervous. I _am_ really good. The best, some have said. I'm just out of practice."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, then. Prove it. Let's go again."

"Fine." Adrian said briskly. He gave me a pointed look. "I won't be gentle with you this time."

I raised an eyebrow.

"I mean it." he said, "Prepare to be blown away."

This alpha male crisis he was having was really wearing on my patience. "Alright, get on with it, then. Blow me away."

5 minutes later Adrian was fuming and utterly distraught. I tried to assure him it was no big deal but he was beyond consolation.

"Don't you understand how embarrasing this is for me?" he wailed.

"How am I supposed to tell my friends that my girlfriend is better at Mario Kart than me?" he slammed down his controller in frustration.

"Now, now." I patted his shoulder. "We don't have to tell anyone. It can be our little secret."

He picked the controller back up, a fierce determination in his eyes. "Best two out of three." he announced.

I laughed. "But I already beat you twice."

He slumped his shoulders forward, sulking. Then perked back up. "Best three out of five."

"You realize you'd have to win the next three times consequtively, right? And the odds aren't in your favor."

He smirked. "You sound scared, Sage."

I giggled. "Just stating facts. If I win even one more round then it's over."

"It's not over until I say it's over!" he declared, "Now quit your stalling and pick a track."

I shook my head. "You're not going to win."

"Oh, but I am."

"No." I said, "In fact, I am so confident in this conjecture that I'm willing to make you a wager."

Adrian's face lit up with delight. "Oh? Please continue."

I leaned in close to him. "If you win the next three times, then I'll give you a prize."

He smiled slowly. "What kind of prize?"

I leaned in closer, kissing the skin below his ear softly. "A good one." I whispered.

He sat up straight, a wild glint in his eyes. "Let's go."

I rolled my eyes, but picked up the controller again, anyway. Might as well get this over with quick.

When Adrian won the next round I wasn't surprised. He made a big deal of it, poking me in the ribs and saying what ever I planned to give him better be good. I sighed. "You still have to win two more rounds. It's more likely that I'll win at least one of them."

He tapped me softly on the nose. "You are underestimating the power of motivation."

"You are underestimating the power of probability." I tapped him back, hard.

"Foul play!" he shouted. "That should cost you a point. Or I get to kick a free throw. Or whatever."

I tried not to laugh as we were in the midst of an intense skirmish, but he was just too adorable for his own good. I studied him closely for a moment, losing myself in adoration. It was strange to think there was ever a time it wasn't like this between us. How long ago had it been since that night neither of us had the strength to fight what our hearts were begging us to do? Months, I knew, but it felt like longer.I felt like everything that happened in my life before Adrian was some sort of distant dream. I didn't understand how I had lived for so long without him. All that time constantly worrying about never being good enough for anyone, when the one person in the world I was made for was just out of arms reach. I sighed.

Adrian scrunched up his face at me. "Why are you looking at me like I'm a sexy cup of coffee?"

I shrugged. "I was just thinking about how happy I am right now. With you."

He gave me a broad, genuine smile. It was rare his facial expressions lacked any sort of exaggerated sarcasm, but there were those special smiles I'd like to think he saved only for me. He leaned over to kiss me sweetly on the mouth. Then he reared back, his face serious. "Oh my God, you're trying to distract me...from..._WINNING_!"

I snorted in disbelief, throwing up my hands. "You caught me."

He shook his head in mock disgust. "This is a new low for you, Sage."

"Now that you've fallen into my diabolical trap," I teased, "let me put you out of your misery quickly."

His former bravado returned instaneously. "I don't think so."

After he won the second time, I got a little nervous. He made an ever bigger deal of this win, actually declaring he needed a 10 second break to fist pump. I was still confident I was going to win the last round, though I almost felt a little bad. He was so cute when he was excited like this. But if I let him win then I'd have to make good on my promise to give him something, which I actually had no plan to do.

As it turned out, I didn't have to let him win. Call it karma or irony or sheer dumb luck, but Adrian actually pulled it off. I stared blankly ahead at the television screen, waiting for him to explode with i-told-you-so's and probably more fist pumping. But instead he just tossed his controller aside and shut the game system off, as if it were the most useless thing in the world. He turned to me. "So, where's my prize?"

I gave him a baffled look. "Prize?"

"Oh, yes." He nodded vehemently. "I have proven myself in the eyes of my lady. I am here to collect my spoils."

I snorted, God he was too much. But he was mine. Suddenly I knew exactly what I was going to do. I smiled at him. "Lay down." I commanded.

His eyes widened briefly before he obeyed, relaxing back against the couch we'd been sitting on. I crawled on top of him and planted a small kiss on his lips.

"Was that it?" he asked.

I shook my head and kissed him again, harder this time. Our bodies immediately moved together, locking in place like magnets. I pulled back from the kiss to sit up, my legs on either side of him.

"What _that _it?" he asked again.

"Shhh!" I commanded, putting a finger to his lips. He opened his mouth and bit down on it gently. I giggled, extracting my finger so I could move my hands to unbutton the top button of his shirt. I leaned down and kissed the exposed skin there. I pulled back, unbuttoned the next button, exposing more skin for me to lean down and kiss. I repeated this process very slowly, causing Adrian to make low, breathy sounds. I continued until I'd gotten his shirt completely undone. I paused for a moment, then moved my hands lower to unfasten the button on his jeans. I heard his sharp intake of breath. I pressed on, pulling down the zipper and tugging at the material until they slid down his hips. I giggled at the sight of his boxers. Silk under denim. I rolled my eyes. That was my boyfriend.

I closed my eyes, leaning forward to kiss the skin right above the waist line of his underwear. I was vaguely familiar with what was underneath. It frequently rubbed unapologetically against me during many a makeout session, and I'd touched him there, once, just for a minute, to see what it felt like. He said it felt good but it made me insanely embarrassed and nervous, a sign we both decided meant I wasn't quite ready. I didn't know if I was any more ready now, I just knew how much I wanted him to know I loved him and make him feel good like he always made me feel good. I wasn't as good with romantic words as he was, but maybe there was a different way I could show him. I curled my fingers under the waistband of his boxers and pulled down.

"Sage?" his voice was confused, almost a little panicked. "What are you-oh, _oh._"

His body lurched, back arching, as I took him into my mouth. Okay, this wasn't so bad. I didn't feel like I was choking or anything, which was a legitimate fear of mine involving this activity. I lowered my head down, seeing how far I could go. I pushed until I could feel it brush up against the back of my throat. Huh. This wasn't bad, at all. I lifted my head up slightly then back down again. This was suspiciously easy. Maybe I wasn't doing it right. Oh yeah, I was supposed to apply pressure to create a sucking sensation, right? I closed my eyes, tightening the muscles in my mouth to do so. Just like a popsicle, I told myself. That thought struck me as equally gross and hilarious but I couldn't laugh because then I might actually choke. Instead I just did more of the up and down mouth tightening thing, picking up speed as I fell into a comfortable rhythm.

"Oh my God," Adrian's voice was strained. I felt his hands on the back of my head, cradling it like something precious. His fingers tangled in my hair, tugging softly as I proceeded to go down a little harder and faster. I felt confident. I felt powerful. The sounds he was making, the way his body was reacting, they were because of _me_. I liked the way having him in my mouth felt. It made me feel close to him in a way I'd never been close to anyone. I liked the taste of his skin. I liked the way he was murmering my name over and over. I liked _this_. With newfound fervor, I pushed down even farther than I had been going, pressing my lips as tightly around him as I could. I drew back up slowly, keeping my tight hold and lowered down again. After doing this a few more times Adrian's breath drew in sharply and he said, "Stop."

I pulled back completely. "What? Was that wrong?"

He laughed breathlessly. "No. God, no. It was _too_ right, if you know what I mean."

I paused, waiting for him to continue, because I didn't know.

"You were about to make me-"

"Oh!" I squeaked, belatedly understanding his meaning. I blushed. I was a little confused. "But...don't you want to?"

He chuckled. "Yes. But where am I going to do it, is the question.

I looked up at him. "Well, in my mouth, of course."

He blinked at me, eyes wide. He didn't speak for a long moment. "Are you serious?"

"Well I'm no expert here but isn't that typically how it goes?"

"Not necessarily," he whispered, "not if you don't want to."

"But I do want to." I whispered back.

He looked shocked. "You do?"

I nodded.

"Okay," he breathed, finally, laying back down. "Go for it."

We fell back into our rhythm easily, his hands in my hair, my mouth tight around him, moving up and down and up and down. I tried adding pressure with my tongue as well, curling it slightly as I did so.

"Oh, Sage."Adrian groaned. "Do that again."

I did. Again and again until his breath was coming in short, frantic bursts. I figured it wouldn't be long now. I mentally prepared myself not to panic. I could do this. I wanted to do this. His body jerked upward and warm liquid spilled into my mouth. To my surprise, it didn't taste bad. I swallowed hard a few times until I was sure I'd gotten it all. Adrian's body went slack under me, his breathing heavy. I pulled back, suddenly a little shy, and collapsed on top of him, nuzzling against his chest.

"Sage," he murmed, running his hand through my hair. "Sage."

"Is that all you know how to say?" I teased.

I felt his chest vibrate as he laughed. "It's the only word that matters."

We laid like that for a few minutes, in comfortable silence.

"I can't believe that just happened," Adrian finally chuckled, his voice full of awe. "That was..." he trailed off. I still felt a little embarrassed so I just kept my head buried in his chest.

"That felt so fucking good." he whispered. "Sorry. There's no way else to describe it. Let me guess, you've never done _that_ before, either?"

"Never." I confirmed. "I'm a fast learner." I added, teasing. "A natural, some might say."

"Impossible." he scoffed affectionately. "You are impossible, Sydney Sage. How do you even exist? What is your purpose on this earth? To torture me until the end of my days? I certainly hope so."

I smiled at his babbling, daring to look up at him. "All I want is to make you feel good. Because you make me feel good. And I happen to love you a lot."

He smiled back, one of the special smiles I coveted more than anything. "I definitely love you more."

I shook my head. "Nope."

"I do, though." he argued.

I made a face. "Prove it."

He smiled even broader, and before I knew it his hands were on my hips, flipping me so I was underneath him. "Okay," he whispered. "My turn."


	4. Long Distance

**Long Distance - Sydrian**

I could hear my phone buzzing from outside the bathroom, just as I was about to draw myself what I considered a very well deserved relaxing bath. I sighed. What could they want now? I'd been back in Utah the past week, filling out paperwork and reporting to the alchemists the goings on of my activity in Palm Springs. It was all a bit redundant and unnecessary it was obvious they were just grasping at an excuse to check up on me, make sure I wasn't making any mistakes or becoming too close with my vampire companions._ If they only knew_, I thought darkly. It was part of the reason I opted for staying in a hotel instead of with my family. I was too afraid my father would take one look at me and know I was somehow different.

I let my phone go to voicemail as I filled the bathtub up with hot water. It was relatively late. Let them think I'm asleep. I didn't want to be bothered with what ever they wanted from me now. I stepped gingerly into the tub and sank down, exhaling deeply. I closed my eyes, finally allowing myself to fully relax and unwind. After a few minutes my eyes snapped open as I heard my phone sound off again. I groaned loudly. _They're just going to keep calling_, I thought dismally. With great reluctance, I stepped out of the bath, quickly wrapping a towel around myself and stomping outside the bathroom. I picked up my phone without bothering to look at who was calling. "This is Sydney Sage speaking," I answered in my clipped, formal voice I used for business calls.

"Oh, my apologies. I seemed to have dialed the wrong number. This isn't 1-800-HOTBLONDES?"

My mood immediately shifted at the sound of the silky voice on the other line. I smiled through my annoyance. "What do you want?" I asked, sitting down on the bed, still holding my towel around me with one hand.

"You, obviously." was Adrian's reply. "When are you coming back?"

"I think I've told you a million times now," I sighed. "Two more days."

Adrian gave a dramatic sound of being in pain. "This is ridiculous."

"Very," I agreed, bringing my legs up on the bed and tucking them behind me.

"Why didn't you answer the first time I called?" I could almost see him pouting on the other end.

I scoffed. "I thought it was one of the alchemists calling. And I didn't feel like dealing with them." I smiled, "This is a pleasant surprise. I'd much rather talk to you."

He chuckled. "I figured you were asleep when you didn't answer the first time, because the thought of you ignoring me was just too painful to accept," then his voice turned slightly guilty. "Did I wake you?"

"No," I said, "I actually just got in not too long ago. You did interrupt my bath, though, and I'm not very happy about that."

"You're in the bath right now?" the glee in his voice was unmistakable.

"No!" I blushed, "I was, but I got out to answer the phone, obviously."

"Did you get dressed first?" he asked.

"I didn't have time, I told you-"

"Where are you now?" he cut me off.

"In bed." I rolled my eyes. Where was he going with this?

"So let me get this straight," Adrian's voice was low and sultry, it made my stomach knot. "Right now, as we speak, you're in bed, not wearing any clothes, dripping wet from the bath? Is this real life or have I somehow slipped into one my fantasies?"

I blushed wildly, I should have known that's where this conversation was headed. "I am _not_ dripping." I finally managed to choke out. "And I've got a towel on."

"That's still hot." he purred. "Send me a picture."

"No!" I hugged the towel tighter around my body, suddenly feeling too exposed, even though I knew logically he couldn't see me.

"Why not?" he whined. "I'm dying over here. I miss you like crazy."

"I miss you too," I replied automatically. "We'll see each other soon." It was easier to act like the time apart didn't bother me, but in reality it had affected me much more than I thought it would. Without Adrian around, it was like everything bad that happened was 10 times worse, and anything good that happened wasn't as good as it would be if he was there.

"But I want to see you _now_," he grumbled. "I wish you weren't so creeped out by spirit dreams. It would make this whole ordeal a lot easier."

"I'm sorry," I replied lamely, not knowing what else to say. There were a lot of things about vampires and their abilities that were growing on me, but I still had to draw the line somewhere. "I wish you were here."

"That makes two of us." His voice flipped back to seduction mode. "You know what I would do if I was there right now?"

I squirmed uncomfortably, this conversation was heading down a dangerous path. "No." I whispered. "I don't think I want to know."

"Really?" he asked, and I could picture his knowing smirk in my head.

This time I had no response. I didn't know it was possible to not want something just as much as you wanted it at the same time, but that seemed to accurately sum up my relationship with Adrian.

"I'd get rid of that towel, first of all." he continued after a moment of silence. His voice dropped even lower, making me blush. His voice was sexy enough when he wasn't trying, this was almost too much to bear. I could feel my skin starting to tingle as he spoke. "Then I'd kiss you. Starting with your mouth, then slowly down your neck. I'd run my hands down your perfect body-"

"It's not perfect." I breathed, my heart beating almost painfully against my ribcage.

"It is," he argued, his voice still low and breathy. "Are you still wearing that towel?"

"Yes." I gripped the edge of the material like a life raft.

"Take it off," he commanded. "I want to picture you naked."

"Well then picture it," I squeaked, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. "What difference does it make if I'm actually wearing it or not?"

"It just makes it easier," he whispered.

"That makes no sense."

"Come on, Sage." he begged, "Please?"

Something about the way he said it broke me. I had no idea why I was indulging him like this. It was hard to admit that part of me wanted this just as much as he did. I let go of the towel and it slipped down to land at my waist, still partially covering me. "Okay," I said barely above a whisper.

"You're not wearing it anymore?"

"No," I confirmed, even though this was only half true.

"Mmm," Adrian groaned. "Good. Now where was I?"

"I don't remember," I answered honestly, falling back into a lying position on the bed.

"I think I was running my hands down that perfect, naked body of yours." his voice was like honey. I blushed.

"Don't make fun of me," I whined.

"I'm not," he whispered. "You're sexy, Sage. One of these days you're going to have to come to terms with that."

I made a small noise of disagreement and he continued on with his x rated narration. "I'd kiss down your shoulder and back up again, then I'd kiss down your chest, running my tongue over each breast, sucking on them gently while you writhe underneath me. I'd kiss down your stomach slowly, down your legs until I got to your knees, then I'd spread your legs and-"

"Adrian!" I chastised.

"What?" he asked, his voice full of innocence.

"I don't...You can't say that." I sputtered, my breathing uneven. "I can't do this. I'm sorry. I need to go."

"Don't go," his voice was gentle, "We can stop, if you want. But I don't think you want to stop, do you?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, "I'm not good at this."

"Yes, you are." he said, "I'm insanely turned on right now."

I scoffed at that. "But I haven't even done anything."

"Exactly my point," he replied. "You don't even have to try or do anything, you're just so damn sexy."

"You can't even see me," I argued back.

"I don't need to," he murmured, "Just the thought of you is enough."

I didn't say anything, I just listened to his ragged breaths for a few moments. God, even the way he _breathed _was infuriatingly sexy.

"You wanna keep going?" he asked.

"I guess so," I sighed, "I just...I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"You don't have to do anything," he whispered sweetly. "Let me do the talking. Just relax, lay back, touch yourself-"

"Excuse me?" I nearly fell off the bed.

He chuckled. "You can't tell me you're not in the least bit turned on right now. I know you."

"That's irrelevant," I huffed, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling between my legs that had been building up ever since he'd started dirty talking. "I don't do that."

"Don't do what?" he asked, confused. "Touch yourself?"

"Yes."

"Why not?" he wanted to know.

"I don't know," I sighed, becoming increasingly embarrassed. "I just don't."

"Well, now's a perfect time to start."

My cheeks were burning. "I don't...even...know how." I said slowly.

He laughed softly, "Of course you do. It's easy. You just take your finger and sl-"

"I think I get the point." I said hurriedly, not wanting him to finish that sentence.

"Are you doing it?" he asked.

"No," I whispered, wanting desperately to take the subject off me. "Are _you_?"

"Well, yeah." he said, casually. "I've been doing it this whole time."

"Oh." I said quietly, at a loss for any other words. "Oh."

"Do you have a problem with that?" he asked wryly.

"No, no, of course not," I said in a rush, "I guess I just didn't think...I don't know...I told you I'm bad at this."

"You're adorable, is what you are." he replied with affection, "I never really understood the whole innocent little school girl thing but now that I'm experiencing it first-hand, I've gotta say, it's really doing it for me."

"I'm not an innocent little school girl," I said defensively.

"Well you're innocent, you're little, you go to school, and you're a girl..." he teased, "The evidence is all there."

"That's flawed logic." I argued.

"Okay," he said, "Whatever you say. You're a sex kitten, then. Is that better?"

"I'm cold," I said suddenly, moving my arm up to cover my chest, "I'm going to put some clothes on."

"No, no. Don't do that." Adrian pleaded, dropping his voice to that sultry tone again. "Let me warm you up."

"How exactly are you going to do that?" I rolled my eyes.

"Well I was in the middle of telling you but you interrupted me."

I sighed heavily.

"Okay," I said, trying to relax. "Go on, then. Continue."

"Oh, I will." he said, "But first, I want you to touch yourself."

"How did we get back to that?" I sighed in exasperation.

"I didn't think we ever deviated from it." he said, "Just try it. I want you to enjoy yourself as much as I am."

"I don't know if I can," I said softly, "I feel stupid."

"You shouldn't," he whispered. "You touching yourself is probably the hottest thing I can think of. And the fact that you're being all shy about it is just...driving me crazy. It just makes it that much hotter."

I wished I was actually as hot as Adrian kept saying I was, then maybe I wouldn't feel so stupid about trying to be sexy when I was clearly the farthest thing from it. Still, his words always gave me a little boost of confidence, even if I couldn't fully bring myself to believe them. I slid my hand down my stomach and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and ventured lower, under the towel that was still partially covering me until I could feel the wetness between my legs. "Um, okay." I whispered.

"You're doing it?" he asked.

"Yeah... I guess..." I almost laughed. "I don't know what I'm doing." I moved my finger up slightly, still feeling ridiculous.

"Well," he whispered, "How does it feel?"

"Weird," I answered. "I don't know if I'm doing this right."

"Just relax," he instructed gently, "Think about what turns you on."

"You do." I said automatically.

"Well, then think about me." his voice was soft and loving, "Think about all the things I said I'd do to you if I was there." I let my mind drift back to his sensual words. Still moving my finger tentatively, I tried to picture him really doing all those things, what it would feel like to have him on top of me, nothing but skin between us. The thought made me shiver. I sighed.

"Mm," was Adrian's response. "Feel good?"

"Sort of," I whispered, a blush rising to my cheeks as I continued working my finger back and forth. I tried to bring my mind back to Adrian and what he was saying when I touched a spot that sent a jolt throughout my entire body.

"Oh!" I couldn't stop myself from saying. I froze. I took another deep breath before running my finger back over that spot. Suddenly this touching yourself thing made a whole lot more sense. "Oh," I said again.

"Are you okay?" Adrian asked softly.

"Yes," I breathed.

"Are you touching yourself?" he asked, even softer.

My voice was rough when I answered, "Yes."

"God, you're so hot." his voice was just as strained as mine. "I wish I could see you right now."

"I wish I could see you too," I whispered. Suddenly my wanting for him was more unbearable than it had been before. "Adrian..." I whimpered.

He made a low growling sound, his voice taking on a more aggressive quality. "If I was there right now, God..." he trailed off, groaning in frustration.

"What would you do?" I asked barely above a whisper.

"Kiss you all over, just like I said," he sighed, "All the way down your body, and I'd pull your legs apart so I could kiss you up your thighs, and then I'd bury my face between your legs so I could taste you, would you like that?" he asked hoarsely.

"Yes," I whispered. If the sensation of my own fingers felt this good I couldn't even imagine what Adrian's tongue would feel like. My body trembled and I let out a loud sigh.

"I'd start out slow," he continued, breathlessly, "teasing you with the tip of my tongue, but you'd taste so good I wouldn't be able to control myself for long, I'd wrap your legs around my neck and run my tongue along every inch of you, over and over again, and I wouldn't stop until you came."

I had to turn over, burying my face in the pillow, as he said these things to me. It was insane to think someone like me could incite such erotic, passionate feelings from someone else, especially someone like Adrian. Even more insane was that my feelings were echoing his, I never even really thought of sex before, it was probably one of the farthest things from my mind, but now here alone in this little hotel room I couldn't think of anything on earth I wanted more, and I wanted it with Adrian. I whispered his name.

"Yeah?" he answered, breathing hard. "What do you want from me, gorgeous? What do you want me to do to you?"

"You know what," I mumbled, finding it harder to concentrate as a trembling feeling built up inside me.

"I know what _I_ want," he whispered back. "I want to be inside of you."

I shivered, sucking in my breath. "I'm still a virgin, you know..."

"I know that," he said softly. "When we make love for the first time, I'll be so gentle. I'll get you wet and relaxed and ready. And then I'll fuck you so slowly."

The tenderness of his voice in contrast with the raunchiness of what he was actually saying is what really sent me over the edge. My body twitched uncontrollably as the feeling that had been building up inside me came to a peak for a long blissful moment. I shut my eyes tightly, gasping for breath, and then slowly I felt myself coming down. I took in deep, jagged breaths.

"Oh, Sydney." Adrian moaned and shortly after he made a slightly strangled mewling sound and then his breaths were matching my own.

I laid there for quite some time, catching my breath, listening to Adrian do the same. It was strange how we were so far apart yet I felt so close to him at that moment I was surprised when I rolled over in bed and he wasn't there. Instead I caught sight of myself in a mirror. I blinked a few times, taking in my naked body shimmering with sweat, my flushed cheeks and mussed hair. And for just a second I didn't see all my flaws that constantly plagued me, I just saw a girl who thought I looked sort of...well, hot. I smiled at my reflection, I felt okay with myself, and it was a nice feeling.

"You okay over there?" Adrian's voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"I'm better than okay," I answered, "You?"

"I'm fantastic," he laughed. "Well. I'm glad I decided to call you tonight."

I stifled a laugh myself. "I'm glad I decided to answer."

"Me too," he sighed enthusiastically. "So..." he paused, "Two more days?"

"Two more days," I repeated sleepily.

"I can't wait to see you," he said. "But until then, I wouldn't mind a repeat of tonight's events. What do you say, same time tomorrow?"

I giggled. "We'll see."

"You sound tired, should I let you go now?"

"I am very tired," I mumbled, crawling under the covers, "but I don't want to hang up just yet."

"Yeah, same." Adrian yawned, "On both accounts."

"Still kind of mad I didn't get to have my bath," I grumbled.

He laughed and I could hear the exhaustion in his voice as well. "When you get back I'll give you a bath. With bubbles and candles and everything. How does that sound?"

"You've made a lot of promises tonight," I teased, "I'm holding you to all of them."

"Making good on promises is not something I have trouble with," he said, "Let me visit you in a dream and you'll find out sooner rather than later."

I scoffed at his suggestion, but it sparked an intriguing question in my mind. "If you have sex in a spirit dream, is it really sex?"

"I don't know," Adrian's voice was laced with mischief. "Wanna find out?"


	5. Author's NoteApology

**A/N**: okay so I've gotten some kind of strongly worded PMs and on tumblr (that's what I get for advertising lol!) from people saying that they feel like these are too ooc/graphic and that I'm "ruining Sydrian" - yikes :( -

and hey, that's cool! I totally welcome and respect any opinions anyone may have about my writing, but to be perfectly honest I was a bit surprised because in my mind I figured that any Sydrian lemon is going to be a bit ooc, (unless they're part of actual chapter fics that have their own character development and all that in place) because let's be real there's no way in this time frame Sydney would already be down to get freaky with anyone probably, let alone a vampire, but that's part of what makes this type of fanfiction fun to me. I don't claim to be a super talented writer, but I tried to keep Sydney in character as much as possible while still being able to create a semi-sexual character that fits whatever storyline I'm writing, which is hard to do (for me, anyway) when you're just writing one shots. Anyway I just wanted to **wholeheartedly apologize** if I have offended anyone or made you feel like I somehow tainted Sydrian or watered them down to just a smut couple or something. Of course I think their relationship is much more than that! It's just that with the nature of these being one shots and being M rated, smut was kind of the point :P. And mostly I want to apologize to the people who feel like I've done a disservice to Sydney's character. She is one of my favorite female characters of all time and that really wasn't my intention at all. I love Sydrian just as much as you guys, these were just meant to be for some good old indulgent fun, really on the campy side to be honest, and to quell any sexual frustration some Sydrian shippers (maybe it's just me? :P) have. I thought about deleting these but I know there are people who enjoyed them and I know sometimes people like to come back and read so I'll go ahead and keep them up! Thanks for your opinions guys, and I hope there's no hard feelings! :)


	6. Waking Up

A/N: WELL! Look what the cat dragged in. Man oh man, where do I even start? I suppose I should begin by saying thank you so so so very much to everyone who responded to my last A/N. Doesn't that seem like forever ago? How the time flies! Anyway, I just wanted to say...you guys blew me away with your kind and encouraging words. They are very very VERY appreciated though incredibly undeserved. I just remember feeling totally gutted when the whole debacle took place and the reviews and messages I got that were positive were just...asdfgjlkhjf;jfhskghl I can't even. Thank you, really and truly, to everyone.

You see, I'm (sort of) a bit of a fanfiction n00b, I mean obviously I can grasp the basic concepts of it but I didn't really know what was or wasn't kosher, so when I had a decent number of messages that came one after the other, telling me they found my stories mislabeled and offensive I was just like OH MAN I HAVE REALLY SCREWED UP. Seriously. I felt like a really huge jerkface, hence why I felt the need to issue an apology. As I said before, Sydrian is very dear to my heart, as is Sydney herself as a character. Reading that I had mucked up some peoples' vision of Sydney/Sydrian just really made me feel like I was the one in the wrong, so I felt pretty bummy about that, but the overwhelming response I got from people who actually enjoyed the stories and wanted me to continue, made me realize it was actually just a small minority of people who felt that way. So, I still stand by my apology to those people, and I still understand where they're coming from. So, just for posterity's sake, let me go ahead and warn everyone that** this chapter is smut. Smutty smut smut. It is very graphic, especially compared to my previous stories.** If that is your kind of thing, then full speed ahead my friend! If not, I suggest you do not read any further. With The Indigo Spell ALMOST UPON US!#L!P#L!#:FE;gRGoll! I know that the wait has become more painful than ever, so I hope this can perhaps help some of my fellow fangirls and boys (don't wanna be sexist) through this harrowing time.

* * *

**Waking Up - Sydrian**

My body was still heavy with the weight of sleep, but my mind was flickering into the beginnings of awareness. I was half-conscious, still hovering in that foggy place between dreaming and awake. I felt very still, very calm. I must have slept deeply. I didn't even remember falling asleep. I reached back in my mind and the last thing I could vividly recall was kissing Adrian goodnight. Every time my lips left his, he'd kept saying things like, "Wait, that wasn't a good one" or "that was too soft" or "too quick" or anything else he could use as excuse to get another kiss out of me. I smiled sleepily, the memory filling me up with warmth. When I finally found the strength to pull my body sideways it was almost painful, the position I'd been in was so comfortable. I blinked my eyes reluctantly a few times, trying to focus. The first thing I saw was Adrian's bare back, shoulders curled slightly forward. He was still asleep.

I inched my body until my chest rested up against him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I lifted my head up to kiss the back of his neck softly, trailing up until I reached his earlobe. I smirked, biting down gently, because I knew that would annoy him. He stirred, making a soft groaning sound.

"Hey," I whispered into his ear. "How come you're turned away from me?"

Instantly his body was flipping around until we were chest to chest, his arms snaked around me lazily, pulling me tight against him. He mumbled something indiscernible. I giggled. I knew Adrian would be the cranky type waking up. I wanted to mess with him but the look on his face was so peaceful, his chiseled features softened in relaxation, his full lips parted slightly. So for awhile I just snuggled in close to him, reveling in the feel of his bare skin on mine. He was so warm. I tried to see if I could drift back off to sleep myself, but it wasn't really working. I sighed, craning my neck up to kiss him softly on his lips. He returned the kiss sleepily. I wriggled out of his arms, trying to sit up. The chill of the cold morning air hit me then and I shivered. I looked around Adrian's room. I needed to find my bra.

I started to scoot out of bed as quietly as possible but Adrian's arms were pulling at my waist almost immediately. His voice was still thick with sleep when he mumbled, "Where you going?"

"I need to find my clothes," I said, shrugging his hands off and stepping onto the hardwood floor of his bedroom. I walked to the front of the bed, scanning the floor for any articles of clothing. "Seriously, where are they?" I mused aloud, spinning around to find Adrian propped up on his elbow in bed, wide awake, blinking at me.

"What?" I asked after a moment. He was just staring at me, a strange bewildered look on his face.

"You're naked." he finally said, his voice raspy.

"Not really," I corrected, as I was wearing underwear. It was just from the waist up that I wasn't wearing anything. And that technically wasn't naked, right?

Adrian didn't seem to care about the technicalities of my wardrobe status. His eyes were glazed over and when he spoke again his voice was rough. "I've never seen you naked before."

"That's not true," I said, blushing. "You saw me last night."

Last night. I'd come to Adrian's apartment to hang out, watch a movie, kiss. That was our usual routine. The latter of those things tended to take precedence most of the time. We'd been together for months now, but we'd never really ventured any farther than heavy making out. Adrian knew not to push me, and I wasn't ready to do much else. But last night, for some reason, kissing just wasn't enough. Not anymore. I don't know what changed, if it was something about him, about me, or us. But I knew without a shadow of a doubt what I wanted. And going after something I want is not something I've ever had a problem with. And last night I wanted Adrian.

We hadn't done that much, really. It was just kissing and touching. Except he kissed places other than my mouth. And certain articles of clothing were carelessly shed. A little too carelessly, I realized, now that neither my top nor my bra were anywhere in sight.

"It was dark," Adrian said, still looking at me with stars in his eyes. "I couldn't really see. Not like I can now."

I was slightly embarrassed, suddenly. Last night I hadn't been at all. I'd been so sure of myself. I was the one to initiate everything. It was a wonderfully empowering feeling. But like Adrian said, it had been dark. Now in the stark daylight I felt smaller, too exposed. I brought my hands up to my chest instinctively to cover myself, shivering slightly.

"Don't do that." Adrian's voice was like silk.

"It's cold," I whispered, trying to sound casual. I didn't want him to know I'd had a relapse of insecurity hit me.

"It's warm in bed." he said, smiling wickedly.

I sighed, then tip-toed back around to the side of the bed as quickly as possible. At least under the covers I'd be a little more...well...covered.

Adrian was pulling me to him as soon as I was back in bed, folding me in his arms, kissing my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning eagerly into the kiss.

"Good morning," he said when he broke away.

"Good morning," I whispered back, resting my forehead against his.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, brushing my hair back out of my face.

"My hair is wild in the mornings," I laughed. "It's awful."

"I like it," he murmured, kissing the bridge of my nose. "You didn't answer my question."

"Good," I said, moving one of my hands up to idly stroke his hair. "Really good. You?"

"Same," he said, his eyes closing in contentment. "I love it when you do that."

"I know." I said, continuing to gently run my fingers through it.

He opened his eyes after a moment. "Was it weird?" he asked, looking at me intently, "You know...waking up here? With me?"

I was surprised by the question. "No," I said, shaking my head adamantly. I shimmied myself even closer to him, pressing my weight against him as I pulled him in for another kiss. "It felt good." I said against his lips. "It felt...right."

I felt him smile against my mouth. His hands moved up my waist slowly, causing goosebumps to rise all over my skin. I sighed into his mouth as we kissed. His hands traveled farther up until his thumbs grazed over breasts. The sensation sent a jolt throughout my entire body.

"Stop it," I chastised, trying to wriggle away from him.

"You want me to stop?" he asked, his lips pressed up against my ear. He kissed me there, nibbling softly on my earlobe. I squirmed against him, my breath suddenly short. "No," I admitted.

His thumbs went to work again, circling gently around the tender skin there. His lips were at my neck. I let out a shaky breath. Desire swirled through me and I could feel my face flushing.

His lips were on mine again, kissing me hungrily. I responded just as fervently, tightening my hold around him. I could feel myself becoming increasingly warmer between my legs. Adrian's hands moved from my breasts to stroke down my sides. His fingers traced along the top of my underwear. My heart was beating like a hammer in my chest.

He hooked a finger around the waistband, pulling it away from my body slightly. "Can I...?" he whispered. I thought about it for a moment. If someone had told me a few days ago this is how I would be spending my Sunday morning I would have been terrified at the mere thought of it. But it was hard to be scared when I was with Adrian, who always made me feel so safe, and who right now was making me feel so _good. _I nodded and he turned his hand so he could slide it underneath my underwear, fingers curled toward my body. I took in a sharp breath when his fingertips brushed up against the soft folds of my skin there.

"Someone's ready," he whispered, an infuriating smirk on his face.

"Shut up," I grumbled, embarrassment washing over me as I knew he was referring to how wet I was down there.

His fingers slid up and down me effortlessly. "It's sexy," he said softly. "You don't know what it does to me, Sage, to know that I can make you feel this way."

I shivered against him, losing myself in the sensation of what his fingers were doing. Touching, pressing, stroking me in all the right places.

"I can see it in your aura," he continued, his voice growing rougher. "That I'm making you feel good. I can see it in your face, too. It's beautiful. You are so, so unbelievably beautiful."

I'm sure my whole face was blood red. I didn't know what to say to that, so I just kissed him, my body leaning into his touch. His fingers continued to work against me, and when he found my most sensitive spot, I moaned softly.

"You like that?" he asked, hovering over the spot, teasing me.

"Yes," I somehow managed to squeak though my throat felt impossibly tight.

He pressed down again, rubbing the spot with varying pressure, and I had to bite my lip to stop from crying out. My eyes fluttered closed and my head fell back slightly. I felt dizzy, intoxicated.

"God, look at you." I heard him murmur. "Gorgeous."

He kissed me again and I felt an unfamiliar sensation building up inside me. It was growing stronger by the second, rising up in me and causing my body to tremble.

Adrian moved so he was partially on top of me, kissing me harder and forcing me flat against the bed. A few seconds later he removed his hand and I whimpered. The lack of his touch was almost painful. He hovered over top of me, leaning down to kiss me.

"Shh," he murmured against my lips. "I'm gonna take good care of you."

I didn't know what he meant by that, but I got my answer a few moments later, when his mouth traveled from my mouth down to my neck, then down to my collarbone, then lower still, kissing the space between my breasts. He kissed around my left breast, nudging it teasingly, before his mouth moved up to cover the peak of my breast, kissing and sucking softly. I writhed happily underneath him. It felt amazing. I was starting to lose touch with reality, it felt so good. I was hardly even aware when his mouth moved to my other breast, mirroring the same technique. I could feel him kissing down my stomach slowly and I just fell deeper and deeper into the thick haze of ecstasy that surrounded me. I was pulled roughly back into reality, however, when I felt his hands on my hips, pulling my underwear down.

"What are you doing?" I sat up abruptly.

He paused, the fabric bunched up around my thighs. He looked up at me. "No?"

"I..." I took a few deep breaths. "I don't know." I felt small and awkward again.

He knitted his eyebrows together, studying me. "You're scared," he said, as if this took him by surprise.

"Well yeah," I breathed. "I don't know...what you're trying to do."

"Just make you feel good," he said. "That's all I'm ever trying to do."

"I know _that_," I said. "But..." I swallowed. "I don't know...I've never...done this sort of thing before."

"I just want to kiss you all over," he said, running his hands along my thighs reassuringly. "And I want you to be naked, so bad."

I blushed. "I thought I was already naked, according to your standards." I smiled, knowing that would push his buttons.

He chuckled at that. He dipped his head down to kiss my hip bone. "You know what I mean," his voice was a low growl. Then he looked back up at me, frowning slightly. "But I don't like you being afraid. We can stop now, if you want."

What did I want? I didn't want to stop. I just didn't know if I wanted to go any farther. I bit my lip. "I don't know." I said, lamely.

"I'd never do anything to hurt you. You know that right?"

"Of course I do," I said. "I'm not afraid of you, Adrian. I'm just nervous about...this...in general. No one's ever seen me naked before. I've never let anyone touch me the way I let you do."

He smiled slightly. "That's good, because I don't want to share you." His hands returned to the edges of my underwear, pulling them back up into place. "It's okay," he said. "Sydney, I want you, but more importantly than that, I love you. The last thing I want to do is push you into anything you're not ready for."

My heart fluttered in my chest. "It's not that I don't want to," I whispered. "I'm just nervous."

"Just tell me what you want me to do," he said softly. "Whatever you want. This is all about you."

I took a deep breath. "You can...take them off..." I said, "if you want."

"No, it's not about what I want." he smiled at me, but his voice was serious. "What do _you _want?"

"I want you to," I said, surprised in how much I really did.

"You sure?" he asked.

I nodded. "I'm sure."

He pulled them slowly down my thighs and I lifted my knees up to make it easier. He leaned down to kiss the tops of them.

"I know I said it last night, but you have incredible legs," he said as he slid my underwear over my knees and down until they hit my ankles. I lifted my feet up to kick them off completely. "Seriously." he continued, his voice low and velvety. He ran his hands down the sides of my legs. I pressed my knees together shyly. "No wonder you keep them covered up, if you walked outside in a mini skirt you'd cause a sex riot."

I rolled my eyes. "Please."

He shook his head. "You really have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?"

I shrugged. "I never used to think I was anything special. No one ever told me I was before...well, before you."

He shook his head again, this time with disgust. "Unbelievable. Especially your idiot of an ex-boyfriend." he let out a harsh laugh. "Historically inaccurate..." he scoffed, remembering what Brayden had said about me on Halloween, all that time ago. "Well, his loss is my gain." He looked down at me, eyes filled with wonder. "And I have a lot to gain."

"I feel beautiful when I'm around you," I whispered. It was kind of embarrassing to admit to that, it seemed on the conceited side. But it was true.

"At least I'm doing something right, then." he said, hands still running up and down my bare legs. "But you should feel beautiful all the time, because you are."

"Kiss me." I said briskly.

"Yes, ma'am." He leaned forward and touched his mouth to mine. When he pulled away, he was smiling that infuriatingly smug smile.

"You're naked," he said, raising his eyebrows.

"You noticed that?" I teased.

"You're naked _in my bed_." He seemed momentarily thrown by this notion, as if me being naked in his bed was somehow mind-altering.

"Lucky you," I remarked dryly.

"Don't I know it," he let out a low whistle.

Any of the doubt or hesitation I'd experienced earlier seemed like a lifetime ago. I was with Adrian. I knew this man inside and out, just as he knew me. He'd never hurt me. He'd never do anything that I didn't want him to. For the time being, that was irrelevant, because I could scarcely feel anything but _want_. It coursed through me like fire through my veins.

"I want to look at you," Adrian said suddenly.

I laughed. "You are looking at me."

"No, I mean, I want to _look at you_." he emphasized the words but I still didn't understand his meaning until his gaze dropped down to the space between my legs. I still had my legs clamped together, as they had been ever since he'd taken my underwear off, so he hadn't really _seen_ much yet.

"Oh," I said quietly.

"Is that okay?"

I was a little nervous, but I wasn't afraid. It was mostly just the anticipation of how he'd react. I nodded. "Yes."

His eyes lit up and he brought his hands to rest on the tops of my knees again. He took a deep breath and then slowly, very slowly, pushed them apart. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of me. He didn't say anything, he just stared, unblinking, for a very long moment. He pushed a little more, spreading my legs wider. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. "Sydney..." he said. "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Or ever will see." He tilted his head to the side, biting his lip. "I mean, _God damn_."

I blushed wildly. "W-watch your mouth." I sputtered, unable to say anything else.

"Gladly," he grinned, tilting his head to kiss the inside of my knee. He turned his head the other way, leaning over to kiss the other one. He trailed a zig-zag of kisses back and forth between my inner thighs until he lips were against my bikini line. He looked up at me briefly, a questioning look in his eyes. I could hardly breathe, let alone speak. All I could do was nod once, then I let my head fall back against the pillow. A second later my world capsized. His lips were up against me, kissing softly, slowly. Then I could feel his tongue, warm and wet, sliding up and down slowly. It was different from the way his fingers felt. This was so much softer, and so warm. I couldn't really describe it, it just felt so incredibly good. My back arched up involuntarily. My knees knocked together behind his head. I squirmed almost uncontrollably, my breaths coming out in short, tight gasps. I kept my head back, eyes closed, so I couldn't see what he was doing, but he seemed unfazed by my manic bodily reactions. He just kept going. Kissing. Licking. Nibbling gently. Over and over again. His tongue swirling in all different directions. Fast, then slow, then fast again. Hard, then soft, then hard. His hands gripped my hips tightly, holding them as they twitched and writhed wildly. I felt wild. I felt unhinged. I couldn't think. My hands balled up at my sides, clutching fistfuls of blankets. My body jerked upward again. I was making embarrassing sounds. Moaning, whimpering. I couldn't help myself. I didn't even know this kind of pleasure existed.

"Adrian," I whispered. I whispered it a few more times.

He made a low sound that vibrated against my skin. I was gripping the blankets so tightly I was sure my knuckles were white. And then his tongue was at that spot, that sensitive spot, and I could barely stand it. I said his name again, this time almost pleading. That feeling that had risen up in me before was making a second appearance, only this time it was rampant. I was no sex expert, but I realized at that point that I was close to orgasming. The word barely existed on the fringes of my vocabulary, and here it was about to happen to me. My hands moved down to the back of Adrian's head, my fingers tangling in his hair. He made a sound again. His words from earlier flashed through my memory,_ I love it when you do that_. I tugged softly and the pressure of his tongue against me intensified. Oh, boy. I felt myself losing control. I attempted a few deep breath but they just came out like gasps. And then it happened. My back arched upward, completely off the bed. My legs shook violently, it was almost as if I was seizing. Every muscle in my body seemed to be contracting spastically. Adrian held me tight through all this, his hands still fixed on my hips, face still buried between my legs. When I finally started to come down, he still held onto me, fingers stroking my hips softly. My back slowly touched back down on the bed. My legs stilled. My breath took a long time to come back to me. I was still taking in frantic gulps of air when Adrian came up beside me, taking me in his arms. He stroked my back with his fingertips.

"You okay?" He was almost as out of breath as I was.

I managed to nod. "Better...than...okay." I panted.

He smiled brightly. "Told you I'd take care of you."

I laughed breathlessly, snuggling myself against him. It was then that I noticed him pressing hard against me. "Oh," I said, still a little breathless, feeling like an idiot. "Do you need me to...take care...of you too?"

He moved a few inches away from me. "No, no. It's okay. I can deal with it." He kissed my forehead. "Just relax, beautiful."

I shook my head. "I want to."

He moved his hands up to stroke my face. "You don't have to."

"I know I don't have to," I said, rolling my eyes. "I said, _I want to_."

He chuckled. "If you want to, you're more than welcome." he dropped his voice to a whisper. "It won't take much. I feel like I could get off right now, just looking at you." he let his eyes travel lazily down my body, now shimmering with sweat.

I moved my body closer to his, not wasting anytime letting my hand slip underneath his boxers. He gasped at the contact. I was amazed by the way it felt. Hard, really hard, but the skin around it was soft. I stroked the length of him and he groaned.

"It's really big," I couldn't stop myself from blurting out, instantly embarrassed after the words left my mouth.

He laughed a strained laugh. "Yeah? You think so?"

I blushed. "Am I doing this right?"

"Yes, you're perfect." he whispered. "Just keep doing that, I'm close."

I stroked him a few more times, finding the confidence to squeeze a little harder, go a little faster. And he was right, it didn't take much longer. He came shortly thereafter, whispering my name.

I extracted my hands from his boxers, moving to pull him close to me so we could cuddle, catch our breaths together, but he pushed me away gently.

"Just let me ah- clean myself up." he smiled sheepishly. "I'll be right back." he added when he saw me pouting. He sprang up out of bed and made his way to the door.

I stretched out languidly in the bed, impatiently waiting for him to come back. He did a few minutes later, in a fresh pair of boxers. He smiled down at me dreamily. "You look like a goddess. I could paint you like this. You already look like a painting. Too beautiful to be real."

I held my arms out to him and he collapsed into bed, rolling into my embrace. I laughed and kissed him softly on the mouth.

"I'm kind of sleepy," I whispered.

He sighed. "Me too, you wore me out."

I blushed. "Sorry."

"Oh, don't be." he squeezed his arms tight around me. "This has been the best day of my life, to date."

"Mine too," I squeezed him back. The happiness I felt was overwhelming.

"Back to sleep," he announced, snuggling against my chest.

"Then we'll get to wake up together, again." I said.

"Is that alright with you?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered, smiling softly, my eyelids growing heavy. "I love waking up with you."


	7. Quick Study

**A/N: POST TIS SEXY SCENES ARE COMING. But First! A certain little scene in particular from The Indigo Spell from Adrian's POV. Because I just had to. Don't read if you haven't read TIS yet and don't want to be spoiled! **

**Quick Study - Sydrian**

"I don't know who I am anymore."

The words were so desperate as she choked them out. I knew she was upset and having some sort of mini existential crisis, but I couldn't help but smile as walked up to her, taking her hands in mine.

"Well, first off, " I sighed. "I'm the expert in insanity, and this is nothing. And as for who you are, you're the same beautiful, brave, and ridiculously smart caffeinated fighter you've been since the day I met you."

A light blush rose to her cheeks. Ususally she immediately shrugged off my compliments before I could even finish saying them. But this time she stayed quiet, she seemed to let the words soak in, and her blush deepened. _God, she's so adorable._

"Sweet talker," she scoffed. "You didn't know anything about me the first time we met."

There was a slight catch in her voice. I could tell this wasn't like times in the past when she wanted me to stop. The compliment didn't make her uncomfortable, she wanted me to keep going. Assure her she was all the things I just said she was.

"I knew you were beautiful," I said. "I just hoped for the rest."

Beautiful didn't even begin to cover it. It was too small of a word for her. Because it wasn't just that she was physically attractive, she was so much more than that. There was a staggering strength in her that awed me. She was brilliant and passionate. The way she had lit up when she was talking about her sister nearly brought me to my knees. Seeing her that happy was better than being that happy, myself. I was blatantly staring at her but she didn't seem to mind. If anything, I think she liked it. And I think she liked that she liked it. Her skin flushed again and she looked up at me through her eyelashes. My head was starting to swim. This was the kind of power she had over me, one look from her and I was gone. Her hands were warm in mine and she smiled softly. Her expression shifted slightly, as if she had just realized something. I'd have given anything to know what she was thinking in that moment.

"Speaking of that dress," I said, referring to the one she'd bought to distract that Alchemist boy...whatever his name was...Aaron? Ivan? Not important. What was important was, "I still haven't seen it."

A wry smile twisted on her lips and she laughed. "You couldn't handle it."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge, Sage?" My heartrate was already increasing at the thought of her showing me. I was praying for short and strapless. "I can handle a lot."

"Not if our history is any indication. Each time I wear some moderately attractive dress, you lose it."

"That's not exactly true," I said. "I lose it no matter what you're wearing. And that red dress was not 'moderately attractive.' It was like a piece of heaven here on earth. A red, silky piece of heaven." I bit my lip, remembering the sight of her wrapped up in that dress.

I expected a scoff and maybe an eye roll, but instead she just got a faraway look in her eyes, like she was concentrating on something. Oh God, was she about to...?

She was. Moments later her jeans and top dissolved into what I assumed was the dress in question. A second after that her head was a few inches higher than it had been before. I smirked, realizing she'd conjured up heels as well. Leave it to Sage to be a perfectionist about even this. I took a deep breath and let my eyes wander down her body slowly. The dress was..._Jesus. _I'm sure my eyes were bugging out of my head. It was black. And it was short. And it was _lace_. There were gaps in the already sheer fabric where it looked like flesh was showing through. I found it hard to breathe, suddenly. My eyes were hungry, desperate. Trying to take it all in at once. I took a step back from her, still holding her hands, so I could get a better look. The way the material hugged her body made me physically ache. It wasn't so tight she was about to pop out of it, but it was tight enough that all her curves were exposed to me in a way I'd never seen before. It wasn't strapless, but I hardly cared about that. The neckline was low. So low I could see the round tops of her breasts peeking out. _Jesus Christ. _Her skin looked so soft. Don't even get me started on her legs oh my God her legs. Long and slender and_ bare_. I don't think I've ever, ever been so turned on so quickly_. Control yourself, Adrian. _The desire that burned within me was almost frightening. I wanted her right then in a way I'd never wanted anything before. I'd die, surely, if I didn't have her.

"A piece of heaven?" I heard her ask, and I snapped out of my trance. realized I probably looked psychotic, the way I was raking my eyes all over her body. I looked into her eyes, ready to apologize, but there was still that soft, playful smile on her lips. I realized at once...she was_ teasing _me. On _purpose_. I resisted the disturbingly strong urge to growl.

I shook my head. "No. The other place. The one I'm going to burn in for thinking what I'm thinking."

I needed to touch her. Without another thought, I pulled her close to me, my hands on her hips. Our bodies touched and my head was rushing. It was almost like descending into spirit but this was different. Spirit always felt cold, dark. This was fire. This was light. This was so good it hurt. I didn't know what I was doing, I knew she'd be pushing me away any moment, chastising me for one reason or another. But I just needed her this close, even if it was only for a moment.

To my surprise, I felt her arms wrap arund my neck, pulling me closer still. Oh God, didn't she realize she was torturing me? She was so close now, barely an inch away. Her lips were right there. Soft. Full. Delicate. Delicious.

"Damn," I murmured, knowing this had to stop soon.

"What?" she asked, her golden eyes full of innocence.

I ran my hands brazenly over her hips. I had a painful certainty something like this was never going to happen again, I was going to press my luck as much as she'd allow. "I'm not supposed to kiss you."

"It's okay."

"What is?" I breathed, still on the brink of losing myself in the sensation of our closeness.

"It's okay if I kiss you."

I barely had time to register what she was saying when her lips were on mine. She was kissing me. She was _kissing_ me. I was momentarily stunned. A second later, my instincts overpowered me. I moved my mouth fiercely against hers, pushing her backwards, lifting her up and sitting her on the table. I briefly wondered if I'd somehow slipped from a spirit dream into one of my own dreams. I needed to look into her eyes, make sure it was still really her. But her lips were so warm and perfect against mine. For someone who avoided sugar like the plague she always tasted so sweet. I swear I was about to pull away, but then she _arched her back_, pressing her body right up against mine, and I turned into some kind of animal. I leaned us both forward until she was lying flat against the table, and I was on top of her. I needed her. I needed to touch and taste every inch of her. My lips had a mind of their own, trailing kisses down her chin and neck. I didn't know if she could get a hickey from spirit dream kisses but I still kept the pressure of my mouth gentle, just in case. I pulled at one of the sleeves of the dress, revealing her gloriously bare shoulder and my mouth attacked that as well. Our bodies moved restlessly against each other as I kissed every inch of skin I could reach. Oh God, it felt so good. She felt so good. I never realized how different this sort of thing could feel when you were doing it with someone you loved. I heard distant crashes and realized glasses were rolling of the table. Jesus Christ, we were on a _table_.

I broke away from her skin and she looked up at me questioningly.

"A table," I shook my head. "A goddamned table." Maybe for a random girl I met at a club that would suffice, but not for my Sage. Not for my flame in the dark.

As quickly as my brain could construct it, I brought us to my bedroom and her body relaxed against my bed. Much better. My lips returned to hers, kissing her passionately. She returned that passion tenfold, her nails digging into my back. How could this really be happening? Could she really be as crazy for me as I was for her? I knew she felt something for me, I knew that, but I hadn't expected her to react to me this way. It was surprising, it was confusing, and oh God it turned me on.

I trailed slow kisses down her chest, all the way down to that wonderfully low cut V of her dress. She made a small mewling sound when I kissed the skin there. I grasped for any shred of sanity left in me and pulled away.

"Don't worry," I murmured. "The dress stays on."

Her response was as immediate as it was annoyed. "Oh? Is that your decision to make?"

I found it hard to even remember what the word 'decision' meant while she was underneath me in my bed. But the thing was, she wasn't really underneath me in my bed at all. She was somewhere else, in another bed, far away from me. I didn't even know what this was. I mean, where had this even come from? Not that I was complaining, I just...I didn't want to do it like this. I didn't want to wake up the next day to another "we can't ever do this again" text. She wasn't in her right mind right now. She was angry at the Alchemists, giddy with happiness over seeing her sister. This new found reckless passion wasn't meant for me, I just happened to be here while she was waist deep in it.

"Yes," I said, firmly. "You're not losing your virginity in a dream. If that's even possible. I don't want to deal with the philosophical side of it." I realized that sounded a little harsh so I added, "And besides, there's no need to rush anyway. Sometimes it's worth lingering on the journey for a while before getting to the destination."

It was a strange feeling, but it was all consuming. I wanted to take this slow. Whatever this even was.

She opened her mouth to speak, no doubt to fight me on this, so I slid my hand gingerly up her bare leg, in hopes it would distract her. And, of course, because it was a spot on her body I'd yet to touch, and that was just unacceptable. I let my hand work its way under her dress. Getting inside of it wasn't the same thing as taking it off, in fact it was the complete opposite. Perfectly justified logic. Her skin was hot to the touch. And so, so soft. Her eyes were closed, completely content in letting my hand roam from her leg to her hip. God only knows how I was fucking keeping it together at that point. But I had to. She clearly was done being the responsible one so I had no other choice. I stroked her hip softly, relishing in the feel of her bare skin under my fingertips, trying desperately not to let my hand wander.

Sage had other ideas. I felt her hand grasp for mine and I'll be damned she was urging me on, pulling it exactly where she wanted it to go. I wanted to go there too, and spend a lot of time there. But not tonight. Not like this.

I chuckled, taking her hand in mine and pinning it down. I couldn't believe this was happening. I, Adrian Ivashkov, was stopping a beautiful girl in my bed from letting me touch her. "Never thought I'd be the one slowing you down."

Her eyes flew open and the loveliness of them took my breath away. Her voice was low and rough and she said, "I'm a quick study."

Something happened, then. I wasn't actively trying to see her aura but all at once it was all around me and it was...brilliant. I'd told her before how it smoldered when I touched her. Now, it was on fire. I mean it literally looked like flames crackling and swirling around her body. The yellow was still there but it was dwarfed by thick bursts of purple. I'd never seen the purple so vibrant. And underneath the purple was a color I'd never seen in her aura at all before. It was...red. It was stunning. It was radiant. And it was...for me. All the raw emotion her aura held. The burning desire, the passion, the love. She felt all of that for _me_. I think I stopped breathing. All I could do was stare in awe at the unfathomable beauty that lay before me. She was a goddess. A goddess underneath me in my bed, offering herself up to me. Who the hell was I to claim something so beautiful? I brought my hands up to cup her face, leaning down close to her, so that our faces were practically touching. I looked into those eyes, those impossibly beautiful golden eyes, and I truly lost myself.

"Good God, Sydney." I breathed, "You are—" Suddenly everything was blurry. I was still holding her face but I couldn't feel her there. For a moment I worried I'd finally lost my mind but then I realized what was actually happening, which wasn't much better of a reality.

"What's wrong?" she asked, looking up at me with concern.

I grimaced, trying to keep the misery from my voice as she faded way. "You're being woken up."

My eyes snapped open and I was back in my apartment, alone. I sighed heavily. I tried to tell myself it was for the best. We would have gone too far and she would have regretted it. But it was hard to convince myself of this when all I could see in my mind's eye was flashes of her creamy bare skin, and the fiery swirls of her aura had been burned into my mind like a seal. No matter what she said now, I had seen the truth. She wanted me. She loved me. I shuddered involuntarily. I imagined how pissed Sage must be right now, and chuckled in spite of everything, feeling sorry for whoever the unfortunate soul was who had woken her up. I shifted in bed and became suddenly aware of the 'lasting effect' this spirit dream had left me with. Fantastic. Cold shower, here I come.


	8. Step 9

**A/N: Dedicated to Tara and Lizzie, who helped prompt the ridiculous(ly sexy) idea of a sydrian grinding session**

**Step 9 - Sydrian**

"What are you wearing?" Adrian asked me, frowning.

"I brought it with me," I said, holding up a garment bag. "I thought I would change here. I couldn't exactly leave school dressed to the nines without raising suspicion."

It was then that I noticed what Adrian was wearing. "Okay, what's going on?"

Adrian had called me earlier today to tell me to meet him at his apartment at 8 and to be wearing a dress. I told him I would wear whatever I wanted, but he was adamant that the dress wasn't for solely for his viewing pleasure. It was a necessity. So I settled on a simple dark green cocktail dress I had tucked away in my wardrobe. It was my emergency fancy event dress, in case I ever needed it. I hadn't worn it until now. I'd almost forgotten I had it. Funny how I purchased this dress before ever even arriving in Palm Springs, yet the color was almost identical to Adrian's eyes. I had no idea what he was planning, but I figured he was probably trying to surprise me by taking me somewhere nice.

And here was now, dressed in a full on tuxedo. Hence my confusion as to what exactly was happening.

"Where are you taking me? A royal christening?"

He laughed. "I'm not taking you anywhere, come in." He took my hand and led me inside and I was shocked to see Adrian decorated the walls of his apartment with rows of white string lights. The couch and coffee table was pushed up against the far wall of his living room, leaving a gaping space in the center of the floor.

"What is this?" I asked.

"This," Adrian said, turning to flip off the ceiling lamp, leaving the room drenched only in the orangey-white glow of the string lights, "is Step 9."

I raised an eyebrow. "Step 9?"

He chuckled. "I actually was forced to go to an AA meeting once -court order- it's a long story I won't bore you with it...the important part is that I talked my way out of it."

"Of course you did," I scoffed.

"Anyway, Step 9 in the program is when you have to find someone you hurt directly because of your addiction and make it up to them. At least, I think so anyway. I only went to one class."

Now I was even more confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Remember when I showed up at your dance?" he winced, like it was embarrassing to talk about.

I rolled my eyes. "How could I forget?"

He put his hands on my lips, drawing me close to him. "Well, this is me making up for that."

I looked up at him, his closeness leaving me suddenly breathless. "What do you mean?"

He brought his lips down to mine for a sweet kiss. "I showed up at your dance all drunk and emotional. I ruined your night. It was a bad night for me. I felt like I was going to go crazy and I just...needed to be around you. But I shouldn't have done that. It was selfish."

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself up to kiss him again. "Oh, Adrian. You didn't ruin anything. It was just a stupid dance. And I...I wanted to be with you, anyway."

He smirked. "No, you didn't. You didn't even like me yet."

I kissed him again. All the way up his jawline until I reached his ear so I could whisper, "Yes, I did."

His hold around me tightened. "In any case," he said after a moment, "I still wanted to make it up to you."

"I still don't understand," I giggled, pulling back to look around his living room. "What's this supposed to be?"

"A dance, duh."

It all clicked in my head and I smiled stupidly at him. "You're doing this all wrong," I teased. "You didn't even ask me."

He pouted. "I wanted to surprise you."

"But being asked is the exciting part." I said, "Makes the girl feel special."

"Okay," he said, reaching for my hand with his. He brought it to his lips for a quick kiss. "Sydney Sage, I think you're the smartest, funniest, prettiest, most bad ass girl in school. Will you go to the dance with me?"

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. "Yes, Adrian Ivashkov, I will."

"Go get changed," he said eagerly and I rolled my eyes.

"Is it really necessary?"

"Yes," he pouted again. "I've never been to a school dance before, you know. I feel pretty cheated. But it's okay, because really, I wouldn't want to have the experience with anyone but you."

"Fine," I finally conceded. "But only because I think you're the smartest, funniest, prettiest, most bad ass boy in school."

* * *

I changed quickly in his bathroom and frowned when I saw my reflection. I'd bought this dress so long ago, I don't remember exactly the way it fit but I certainly didn't remember it being this tight. I realized then I must have gained a bit of weight since buying it. I tried not to freak out about that. With everything else that was going on, my body should be the least of my worries. But still, moments like this made it hard not to relapse.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to smile at my reflection. "So what if it's a little tight?" I said to myself. "It still fits. And Adrian will like it. He thinks you're beautiful. He loves you. Why can't you just love yourself?"

"I'm working on it," I whispered back. "It's a process."

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Sydney?" Adrian called. "You alright?"

"I'm uh, I'm fine." I said, trying to snap out of my trip down insecurity lane.

"I thought I heard you talking."

Damn Moroi and their super hearing. "I was just having a little trouble with the dess."

"Do you need my help?" His voice turned velvety. "I'm very good with zippers."

It was amazing how the sound of his voice alone could bring about a complete 180 in my mood. I opened the door to find him smiling wickedly. "I'm sure you are." I smiled back.

His gaze traveled lazily down my body and my cheeks burned. "I know it's not as exciting as the red dress, but-"

"It's beautiful." he said, snapping his eyes up to meet mine. "Well, actually, it's just a dress. Same as that red one. It's you that's beautiful."

"You said it was a piece of heaven," I reminded him.

He stepped forward and his hands found there away around my hips. "Only because you were in it."

I kissed him because I didn't know what to say. His hands traveled up my waist, making me shiver. I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer, deepen the kiss. I felt a rush of emotions crash over me. I just loved him so much. No one else could make me as happy as he did, could make me feel good enough, beautiful, wanted. I tugged on his bottom lip with my teeth and he groaned, opening his mouth wider so my tongue could fit inside. I pressed my body right up against his, pushing him back against the wall.

He chuckled, breaking away from the kiss. "Now you're one doing things backwards," he panted. "It's dance first, then hook up in the bathroom."

"Let's get the dancing over with, then." I murmured.

"You're insatiable," he shook his head, taking my hand and leading me back out into the living room. I saw he'd set up one of those devices that worked as a speaker for ipods. He pressed a few buttons and a soft acoustic sounding song filled the room.

"Do you know this song?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Do I ever?"

"Well," he said, pulling me close to him. "It makes me think of you."

We started to dance and I was immediately buzzing with the giddy emotion Adrian's closeness always brought to me. We'd danced together at Sonya's wedding, but this was different. I'd had to act like I barely knew him in front of the Alchemists, and all those people had been watching us. This was _so_ different. We were all alone. It was just us. I didn't have to pretend to be anything I wasn't. Every time I caught a few lyrics to the song that was playing I felt butterflies swirl around in my stomach.

"I like this song," I murmured into his ear.

"Maybe it can be ours," he whispered.

"I like the sound of that," I said, moving my head to look into his eyes. "Ours."

We spent the rest of the song kissing. Only breaking away when another, vastly different song, began blasting throughout the room. It was mid-tempo and bass-heavy. The kind of thrumming beat that you feel in your chest.

Adrian laughed. "Sorry, guess it's on shuffle."

"What is this?" I asked, nodding my head along to it.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "You _like_ this?"

"It's got a good beat," I said. "What?"

He laughed. "You just don't strike me as the type."

"It's not like I actively seek out this kind of music," I shrugged, shimmying my shoulders back and forth. "But it's good for dancing."

"Dancing?" he was incredulous. "You dance? I mean, to this kind of music?"

"Why is everyone so surprised that I can dance?" I asked, spinning around and swaying my hips in time with the music. I remembered Brayden's shocked expression at the Halloween Dance. "It's sort of mathematical, really. You just-"

I stopped when I felt Adrian's body against me. His hands were on my hips, pulling me to him from behind. "Don't stop," his voice was rough. "Show me what you can do."

I closed my eyes and let myself feel the music out for a few seconds. I'd never danced with someone to this type of music before, but once I was confident enough I had the beat memorized I began rocking my hips back and forth slightly, then rolling my shoulders back, all while pressed up against Adrian's body. I'd seen some couples dancing together this way at the school's dance. I thought it was obnoxious and silly then, but now I understood the appeal. The sensation of his body against mine as I moved was thrilling. His hands slid down my hips to graze my thighs, then slowly back up again. His fingers on my bare skin sent electricity zipping through my legs. I bent my knees slightly, sliding my body down his and back up again. His lips were at my ear. "You are so, so sexy." he whispered. He brought his lips to my neck, kissing the skin there softly. I whined. He _knew_ what that did to me.

His grip on my waist tightened and he moved his hips against me. Our bodies were in perfect rhythm, grinding against each other. I brought one of my arms up to hook around his neck. It was a slightly awkward angle but it forced us even closer and gave me something to hold on to so I could move more freely against him. He continued placing soft, torturous kisses on my neck and I arched my back, sighing.

"If we were dancing like this at a school function, we'd get kicked out, you know." I whispered.

I felt him smirk against my skin. "Good thing we're not, then."

I couldn't agree more. I let my head fall back against his chest, tilted to one side so he'd have more access to my neck. He took full advantage, kissing up and down, sucking softly. I lost all control of my thoughts, myself. I stopped thinking about the music or moved in time to it and just grinded my body, almost involuntarily, against his. His hands roamed down my sides, bunching up the material of the dress when he brought them back up. He slipped them between my legs, gripping my inner thighs and pushing and pressing himself against me from behind. I turned my head and we were kissing. Moving and grinding and kissing and his hands on my skin and his body against mine and kissing and kissing and kissing. I wrenched my body to face his, pushing him backwards. My arms snaked around his neck. Our kisses were sloppy now. I didn't care. Every nerve in my body was on fire and all I wanted to do was stay lost inside this feeling forever. I wasn't aware of anything but him. The pressure of his lips and hands. The heat of his body mixing with mine.

Suddenly, he was pulling away from me, breathing hard. "We need to stop."

I was confused. "Why?"

"Well, I guess I should say _I_ need to stop." He looked down and back up again. "If you know what I mean."

I didn't. I furrowed my brow in confusion and Adrian rolled his eyes in amusement, then tugged my hips right up against his and-_oh_.

"Oh." I said, feeling his hardness pressed against me. I'd never felt anything like it before. I liked it.

"Let's go lay down," I said softly. "In your bed."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," he said.

"Why not?"

He laughed, leaning forward to peck me on the lips. "Because, Sage. I'm incredibly aroused right now, if you couldn't tell."

"So?" I shrugged my shoulders. "I am, too."

That certainly threw him. "Are you now?" he asked, his voice low.

I nodded. I grabbed one of his hands and placed it between my thighs, slowly moving it upward until his fingers brushed up against the damp fabric of my underwear.

His lips parted slightly. "Sydney..." I don't think I've ever heard his voice so rough.

"Let's go lay down," I said, again. This time he didn't say anything.

* * *

Once we were in Adrian's bedroom things began to blur. Hands on my waist, lifting me onto his bed. Fingers on the zipper of my dress. Pulling it down. The dress peeling away. Cool air against my skin. His lips on mine. Falling back against the bed. The feel of his clothes against my bareness.

"Touch me," I heard myself whisper.

"Where?"

I found his hand in the darkness and placed it exactly where I wanted it. His fingers went to work immediately, curling slightly as he rubbed. My back arched, my hips rocking forward against his fingers. "Adrian," I whimpered.

"Yeah?" he teased. "You like that?"

I bit my lip as not to cry out. I think I tried to nod. My hands searched until they were at his waist. Unbuttoning his pants. Unzipping. Slipping underneath to touch him in the same way he was touching me. I touched. He groaned. I stroked tentatively at first. Building up speed as my confidence grew.

"Oh, God, Sydney." he breathed.

"Like that?" I asked, echoing his words to me.

He made a sound that I could only describe as a laugh mixed with a deep growl. "Come here."

Our lips met and our limbs tangled and clothes disappeared until there was nothing but flesh between us. Our hands explored each other's most vulnerable parts until we were both gasping for breath. After we had exhausted ourselves we lay against each other, sweaty and still. My whole body ached with the sweetest soreness. He brushed some sweat-sticky hair back from my face. He leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

"I love you so much." I said. "More than anything."

He chuckled softly. "I think that's the orgasm talking."

"No, it's not." I laughed. "I've been thinking about it all night. How amazing you are. How much I love you."

"I love you, too." His arms were around me, pulling me close. "Thanks for going to the dance with me."

I giggled hoarsely. "You're very welcome."

"Any other specific event I ruined that I need to atone for?" he asked, his hand idly stroking down my side.

"Well," I mused. "There was that time I tried to get you a job..."

He laughed slightly. "Oh, yeah."

I pouted. "I worked so hard on your resume."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, kissing me. "I was an asshole. How can I fix it?"

"Aren't you the one that's supposed to figure that out?" I teased.

"You're right," he said. Then, after a moment. "Oh, I know what to do."

"What?" I asked.

"Well, I gave you a dance since I ruined your other one. So I guess I'll just have to get you a job."

I laughed. "How are you going to do that?"

"I think there's actually a job opening up soon, I could probably get you an interview." He grinned mischievously.

"Could you?" I asked, feigning disbelief.

"Yeah." he snuggled his body close to mine. "The headquarters are actually really close by. Right here in my bedroom."

"Amazing," I said. "What are the chances?"

"I know right," he shook his head. "So, what do you say?"

I leaned in to kiss him softly. "It's a date."


	9. Don't Stand So Close To Me

**AN: **So I was told via the tumblr that the sydrian fandom was ready for unnecessarily smutty and kinky stuff. If you guys get mad at me again I will be severely bummed out. But in all seriousness, this is something that I wrote for one of my best friends on her birthday, as Student/Teacher AUs are her fave. Finally got around to sprucing it up for public view. It's very smutty and slightly on the kinky side, but still pretty tame in my opinion. Enjoy.

**AH/AU - Sydney is 18 in this so no underage sex warning - But if Student/Teacher makes you uncomfortable or offends you in any way, best to steer clear of this one. And sorry if you fall under that category, hopefully you'll like the next one!**

* * *

Something happened to me over the summer. I'm not entirely sure when exactly. At first I thought it was when I lost my virginity to my long-time boyfriend, Ian. We did it on the night of Junior Prom, as cliche as that is. But Ian was so sweet and so cute, and we were alone together, and you know, in the moment, I just really wanted to do it. But that's when things started to feel...different.

I assumed that was pretty normal. I mean, losing your virginity is kind of a big deal, right? I thought maybe I was just adjusting to the fact. Or the fact that it was the first time I was successfully keeping something from my parents. I hadn't really thought much of it at the time, like I said, heat of the moment and all that, but then afterwards I was struck with the panic that I had done something irrevocable. Something I definitely would be punished for. Lying was a foreign concept to me then, especially when it came to my father. He'd just have to look at me and I'd crack like fine china. So you can imagine my surprise when I stumbled into my house the next morning and "I told you I was sleeping over at Kristin's. Didn't you get my text?" rolled off my tongue like I was a seasoned pro. Heck, I half believed it myself.

So I wasn't a virgin and I was a liar. That's two things changed. But I still don't think either of those are the thing I'm talking about. The thing that unsettled me all summer. The thing that drove me to break up with said boyfriend, Ian. Yep. That's right. The same boy that two months ago I was so sure I was in love with. The same boy I decided was worth my virginity. I still stand by that choice. Ian is a really sweet guy and I know he cared about me. And I really cared about him. I still do. But I just...I don't know. It didn't feel right anymore. So midway through our scheduled date night about two weeks ago, I ended it. He was really sweet about that even, which just made me feel worse. But I could tell as much as I was pulling away, he was just growing more attached, and I couldn't string him along when I knew I wasn't reciprocating the feelings anymore. We still speak almost every day, on friendly terms, though I do suspect he assumes we'll eventually get back together, that I'm just going through some strange phase. Maybe he's right. I don't know. The only thing I know for sure is the Sydney that pressed herself close to him all those weeks ago, impulsive and starry-eyed, is nowhere to be found when I look in the mirror these days.

* * *

"I saw Jansen looking all lost and forlorn this morning," my friend Kristin snickers as I sit down at our usual spot on in the cafeteria. It's always mostly empty before the first bell rings. Most kids hang around outside or aimlessly wander the hallways. Our other friend, Julia, cracks a knowing smile.

"Shut up," I sigh automatically. They were just teasing me, but I knew they both thought I was crazy for breaking up with Ian. We'd been together so long, most people expected we would end up married. As strange as it is for me to think about now, I used to agree with them.

"You guys are so going to get back together," Julia chimes in. "You're, like, made for each other."

I scoff. I don't really want to get into all this right now. "If you say so."

"What did he do, anyway? You never spilled."

"He didn't do anything," I say honestly. "I just...I didn't feel the same way about him anymore and it would be wrong for me to continue being in a relationship with someone I have no feelings for."

"Harsh," Kristin hisses, giggling.

"It's not harsh," my voice rises an octave in defense. "I did the right thing." I pause, my brow furrowing with guilt. "Didn't I?"

"Of course you did," Julia says, reaching out to pat my wrist. "We're just giving you a hard time, but if you didn't feel it anymore, then yeah. Cutting him loose was the right thing to do."

"Do your parents know yet?" Kristin whispers. Ian's father and my father had gone into business together when I was a baby. And when Ian and I started dating, it was the first time I think my father had ever been truly happy with me. When our families got together they always joked about how it was practically an arranged marriage. I never found those jokes particularly amusing.

I shake my head. "Can we just change the subject please?"

"Seriously, break up talk is so depressing." Julia fishes behind her and expels a half sheet of paper. "Let's see if the odds are in our favor this year."

The three of us lay our schedules flat on the table, scanning feverishly for any matches.

"Well, we all have History together," I notice right away.

"I can't wait to do handstands." Kristin grins. The History teacher, Ms. Terwilliger, is a little wacky. We'd heard many stories of her unconventional teaching methods, including the infamous time she'd made an entire class practice handstands until every single one of them could do it. She'd then told them they could never tell her something she assigned was too hard.

"Ooh, I've got AP Chem with you, Kris!" Julia nudges her.

"No!" Kristin groans. "I was hoping I'd get that class with Sydney."

Julia makes an offended noise and I smile. I'm somewhat of a chemistry prodigy and I've no doubt Kristin had her heart set on using me as a human cheat sheet. "You'll be fine," I say to her. Glancing at our schedules, I spy a match and nudge her. "See, we have Economics together. That will be fun."

"I don't think you know what that words means," Kristin teases, "But hey, I'll take it. I've heard that class is brutal."

"Oh no, do we not have anything else together, Syd?" Julia makes an exaggerated pouty face.

"Let me see," I say grabbing her schedule and holding it up to mine. After a moment, I snort. "Thank God."

"What?"

I hand over our schedules and point. Kristin leans over and raises an eyebrow. "You're taking General Painting. Um, who are you and what have you done with Sydney Sage?"

The comment bites more than it should. I shake it off and roll my eyes. "My guidance counselor thought it would make me look better on college applications."

"As if you need any help," Julia shakes her head. "But this is so exciting. I had Miss Howard for Drawing II last year. She's really fun."

"Did she happen to get married?" I ask, squinting at our schedules.

"I don't think so, " Julia says. "Why?"

"Look at the teacher's name next to the class," I say.

"What the hell does that say?" Julia frowns. "Is that even a name?"

The 7 minute bell rings and I sigh, gathering up my things. "I'll see you guys in History. Well, actually, Julia, I'll see you before then." I give them both a quick smile and take my leave. I suddenly feel even more strange than what has become usual for me, and I'm eager to get to my first class and take my mind off anything that isn't my school work.

* * *

"I can't believe you're a senior and you've never even been in the art room before," Julia shakes her head as we sit down at one of the large tables close to the front of the room.

I shrug. "I've never really been an artsy sort of person." I could appreciate great art when I saw it, I suppose. But it wasn't something I spent a lot of time thinking about.

"So," Julia says slowly. "Have you seen him at all today?"

"Seen who?" I ask.

"Ian," she elbows me. "Jeez, forgotten him already?"

My face flushes. "Oh." I clear my throat. "No, actually, I haven't."

"I wonder if he got his schedule fixed ahead of time so you wouldn't have any classes together."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous." I say with scorn, but now all of a sudden it seems really odd that we don't as of yet.

"I asked about Miss Howard in first period and she apparently did get married," Julia says, abruptly changing the subject. "But to some architect she met on her vacation in Europe. She's living with him now and he like makes so much money she'll never have to work another day in her life."

"Well, that's...fortunate for her." I finally say. Normally I would find such a thing absurd but now I find myself biting the edge of my ink pen, imagining myself in some romantic location like France or Italy, bumping into a handsome stranger, kissing them in the rain, falling madly in love. I shake myself free of the ridiculous daydream and turn to Julia.

"So we have a new teacher, then."

Julia nods enthusiastically. "Everyone's saying he's hot."

"Of course they are," I sigh, still slightly distracted. More kids shuffle into class. I'm afraid Julia will shift the conversation back to Ian, so I pretend to be very interested in my English syllabus.

"Hey, Sydney." a familiar voice clenches my stomach and snaps my head up like a rubber band.

Ian's smile is easy and genuine, like it always is. "Didn't know you were an artist," he chuckles, gesturing to the room we occupy.

"I didn't know you were, either." I blink up at him.

Now it's Julia's turn to pretend to be interested in something else, burying her head in her purse, like she's digging for something of utmost importance.

"Yeah, well," he shrugs. "Senior year and all, I had a free period, might as well try something new."

Ouch. That partially mimicked the break up speech I'd given him a few weeks ago. Among other things, I'd told him I just needed a break from my normal routine, that it was my senior year and I wanted to try new things. I'd never known Ian to say anything in spite, so I tell myself it's just a coincidence.

I smile at him. "Well, I hope it works out for you."

"You too," he smiles back. "I'll uh, I'll catch up with you later." he taps the top of the table with his fingers and makes his way to the back of the classroom.

"Oh my gawwwwwwd," Julia hisses when he's out of earshot. "That. Was. So. Awkward."

"Was it?" I ask. "I thought it went pretty well."

She gapes at me. "I can't...I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not."

I shrug. "Guess my ability to read social cues hasn't improved much, then."

"I thought he was about to start like crying or something," she winces.

"I think you're being dramatic," I retort primly.

"I think-" But I dont get to hear what Julia thinks, because she halts midsentence as the door swings open and the man I assume to be our new teacher walks in. He's much younger looking than I imagined and now I understand what's got the girls at this school all aflutter. He doesn't look to be much older than _me_, to be honest, which is kind of unsettling. He's also startlingly handsome, with dark tousled hair and sharp, proud cheekbones. He looks more like a lost male model than an art teacher. He surveys the room, which has gone dead quiet, and smiles. "I'm in the right room aren't I?" His voice has a rich, pleasing quality to it and I swear I hear Julia squeak beside me.

The bell rings, which seems to snap the class out of its trance, and I can hear a few people whispering among each other. Our teacher strides to his desk and plops down in his chair almost sloppily. He rolls his head back and noisily props his feet up on the desk and I have this fleeting thought that he seems a little bit...drunk...for lack of a better term, but of course that's impossible.

"So," he drawls, rolling his head forward to look at us again. His gaze travels lazily to the chalk board behind him. "Right," he sighs. "I guess I'm supposed to do that thing where I write my name on the board..." He laughs and it's strangely sardonic. I'm growing more uncomfortable by the minute. I flick my eyes toward Julia and she's just staring all dopey at him, her fist propping up her face. I suppress an eye roll and avert my gaze to the board. I'm surprised to see his script is clean and elegant. A teeny tiny smidgen of respect for him surfaces. _Mr. Ivashkov_, it reads. I like the way all the letters loop together perfectly. Especially since the adjacency of the letters that make up his last name would be taxing to write so flawlessly. I notice it does slant a bit heavily to the right, which is curious.

He taps the space under the eye with a piece of chalk. "That's a short I sound, mind you. Ee-vash-kov." His voice takes on an even richer quality when he pronounces his name for us. "Bit of a mouthful, I know." His smile spreads widely across his face and I think I hear some of the girls behind me sigh. "I'd let you guys call me by my first name, but that's like the first thing they tell you not to do." He rolls his eyes. "Can't have my students thinking they're my equals or anything, right?"

A few nervous giggles scatter the room. A feminine voice pipes up, "What _is_ your first name, Mr. Ivashkov?" She stumbles over the pronunciation.

He pauses for a moment, then says, "That's for me to know and you to find out." and he winks..._winks_! So much for that smidgen of respect. This guy is a creep. The crescendo of giggling that follows just ruffles me even more so.

"You know, you're not supposed to call us guys, either." The words escape my mouth before I can stop them.

The giggling ceases and Mr. Ivashkov's eyes cut to me sharply. "Come again?"

I feel myself go hot under his gaze. I'm not the type to talk out of turn in a classroom, I don't even really know where that came from. I shake my head quickly. "Nothing, sir."

He walks toward me and stops a couple feet in front of the table Julia and I are sitting at. "Didn't sound like nothing," he smirks, crossing his arms smugly over his chest. "Go on, enlighten me."

I stare up at him for a few moments, dumbfounded. I've never talked back to a teacher before. And I've had some awful teachers. But disrespect toward authority just isn't really my style. He's even more handsome up close, which inexplicably infuriates me. His eyes are a deep, emerald green. Even with the disgustingly arrogant smirk on his face, I can't help but notice how attractive it really is. Not just superficially, you know, hot. But like really, honest-to-God, classically handsome. He's got a nice neck, too. Slender yet strong-looking. And shoulders...broad but not too broad. I can smell the strong scent of his cologne and for a moment I forget where I am entirely until his voice snaps me back to reality.

"I'm waiting," he prompts shortly. A few kids snicker.

I blink a few times to steady myself and clear my throat. "The school board decided a long time ago that referring to a class of students as 'guys' was too informal of a term. You're not supposed to use it to refer to your students." It's true, what I'm saying, though slightly ridiculous. Every teacher breaks this rule.

I can see Julia shaking her head out of the corner of my eye. Mostly likely regretting her decision to sit next to me, or ever befriend me in the first place.

"I see," Mr. Ivashkov says. "What's your name?"

I gulp. "Sydney Sage."

"Well, Sydney Sage," he speaks my name with a mocking tone, "Thank you for your input. Now," he glances away from me to view the rest of the class and I feel like all the air has been let out of my lungs. "I'd like for everyone to take out a sheet of paper and pencil. Once you have all done that, I'll give you further instruction. Okay, _guys_?" he glances back to me with a smug smile. A few _oooohs_ arise from the back of the room.

Okay. So this man is just rude. Unprofessional and stupidly handsome and _rude_. At least I know to stay out of his way now. I take out a blank sheet of paper, silently seething, and await my 'further instruction'.

"Okay," Mr. Ivashkov claps his hands together after a moment. "Now on that piece of paper I want you write the best thing that happened to you this summer in one word and one word only. Really think about it. It's okay if it's personal, in fact, the more personal the better. Do not put your name or anything else on it. Then fold it up and put it in...here." he brandishes what looks to be an empty paint can. I'm wondering what the point of this is or what it has to do with art, but I'm not about to speak up again.

"Go on, then." he urges and the sound of pencils scratching begin. I tap my pencil nervously against my blank paper. The best thing that happened to me...? I frown. I honestly don't know. This past Summer was the strangest few months of my life. I suppose, if I had to choose something, it would be the fact that I broke things off with Ian. That sounds awful, but it's not because I loathed being with him and was happy to be rid of him, it's just the fact that I did something that was a step in the right direction for the betterment of my mental state. And it was a hard thing to do. It would have been much easier to just let things remain as they were, keep my mouth shut about my true feelings, and hope for the best. But I didn't do that. And weirdly, that made me a little bit proud of myself. And I couldn't deny after ending our relationship, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

How exactly am I supposed to summarize all that into one word? I continue to stare at my blank sheet of paper as I hear the grating sound of chairs scooting back, footsteps pattering as my fellow students make their way up to Mr. Ivashkov's desk to deposit their notes. When I realize I am the last person left sitting down I quickly scribble down the first word that comes to mind, it's not like this really matters anyway, and walk up to where Mr. Ivashkov stands waiting, that perment smirk glued to his face.

"Sydney Sage," he says as I drop my paper into the can. "You know, I'm really grateful you were so kind as to give me a brush up on school rules. If I may return the favor, you know this school doesn't require its students to wear uniforms, correct?"

I make the mistake of looking up at him. This close I can see just how green and piercing his eyes really are. Instead of going all swoony like I almost did last time, I'm just annoyed. I don't find arrogant, entitled people attractive. I don't understand what he's saying to me.

"Yes," I say after a moment, "I'm aware of that."

"Hmm," he says, as if my answer has surprised him. "Then, you're just dressed like that because...?" I look down at mself and frown slightly. It's not until the laughter sounds behind me that I realize he's making a joke. At my expense. I'm not unaccustomed to people having a go at the way I dress, but I've certainly never had a teacher do it...in front of an entire class. I don't know what he's trying to accomplish, to make me cry or something? Or to just put me in my place? I look back up to meet his gaze. I hold it for a moment, unsmiling. I turn and walk back to my seat. I make accidental eye contact with Ian, who is not laughing, which warms my heart just a little bit. He gives me a weak smile. I sit down silently next to Julia, who is desperately trying to disguise her own laughter. I glare daggers at her.

"Traitor," I hiss.

She pouts. "I was just-"

"Okay, okay, settle down people.." Mr. Ivashkov says, quieting the class. "Now." He drums his fingers on the sides of the can. "You might be wondering what this little exercise has to do with anything." Yes, that would be me. "This is the first thing I want to teach you about art. To be a good artist, you need two things. The first thing is vulnerability." he gestures to the can filled with all our one-worded confessions. "But it's easy to be vulnerable anonymously, right?" He dips a hand into the can and pulls out one of the crumpled pieces of paper. "The second thing is bravery. Now, I'm going to read each one of these out loud, and when I get to the one that yours, I want you to come up here and claim it. And if you're feeling extremely ballsy," My mouth squinches up at the inappropriate -and frankly, sexist- term, "you can tell the class what it means. This is entirely up to you, there's no consequence if you don't, but if you do, hey, easy A if nothing else, right guys?" He turns to me as he finishes his statement and grins. I narrow my eyes. I really do not like him. At all.

Of course everyone is claiming their papers. I don't think there's one girl in this class who would pass up the chance to stand so close to Mr. Ivashkov for a few fleeting seconds, even if it was to confess to murder. I've already decided I'm not going to claim mine. I'll probably be the only person who doesn't, but I don't really care. I'm not buying into his whole thing, and I certainly have spent more than enough time up close and personal with him.

So far all the 'confessions' have been pretty vague and shallow. Words like 'beach' and 'party' have come up a few times. Epic tales of girly drama have been recounted more than once. Mr. Ivashkov looks bored. So much for his lesson about vulnerability and bravery. I guess he forgot high school students really aren't that deep.

He unfolds another paper and his eyes light up. He chuckles. "Now we're getting somewhere." He turns the paper around for the class to read. "Sex," he says and the class goes crazy like they've never even heard the word before. Girls squeal and boys grunt in laughter. A few seconds go by. No one makes a move.

"Oh, come on!" Mr. Ivashkov laughs, looking around. "Don't break our streak, guys."

I can hear the muffle sounds of deep voices murmuring and snorting and then a ruckus of hoots and hollers as a chair scrapes back and up walks

Ian.

Oh my God.

The class goes silent. Ian's face is flushed but he smiles briefly as he takes the piece of paper. I'm mortified. It's no secret that Ian and I have been dating each other exclusively up until a few weeks ago. I can feel the heat of people's gazes fixed on me. Wonderful.

"Well, then." Mr. Ivashkov says, clapping him on the back. "Congratulations, kid. You wanna tell us about it?"

"I'm joking," Mr. Ivashkov adds when Ian turns bright red. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, even I know that." Ian awkwardly makes his way back to his seat and the boys erupt in raucous applause. I resist the urge to vomit. I steal a quick glance toward Julia, who looks furious. Even better. I never told Julia or Kristin about having sex with Ian. I had assumed it was something that was private, something to remain only between the two of us. I guess not.

"Alright," Mr. Ivashkov says, clearly amused by what just transpired. "That's what I'm talking about." He plucks another piece of paper out of the can and the process continues. I can only hope this is something people will just forget about. If word gets around school that Ian and I...and what if someone tells their parents...and their parents know my parents...and...oh, God...

I check my watch impatiently, just wanting more than anything to get out of this room.

I look up to see Mr. Ivashkov unfolding another piece of paper and different sort of look passes over his features. He stares at it for a moment, then smiles. But it's not one of his signature cocky smirks. Just a smile. He turns the paper around and reads, "Freedom."

I wasn't planning on clamining mine, but if Ian is trying to assert some kind of weird alpha male dominance, or just trying to send me an 'I'm over you' message, then I can send him one right back.

"That one's mine," I say, confidently striding over to Mr. Ivashkov to take my paper. Our fingers brush slightly as I do.

He's got this ridiculously pompous look on his face, as if to say, _I should have known. _

"Well, Miss Sage." he says, "I do hope you're going to tell us all what this means."

He leans in closer to me. "What are you free of?" he asks, his voice taking on a softer quality. For a moment, we just look at each other.

The bell rings and we both startle. Of course my classmates are instantly clamoring for their things and making their way toward the door. I look him straight in the eyes and say, "You. Finally." His mouth twitches slightly and he reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a cigarette. He places it in his mouth pointedly, as if daring me to say something about it.

"That stuff will kill you," I say, smiling sweetly.

And he laughs. "You don't say."

Feeling pretty pleased with myself, I turn swiftly on my heels and walk over to gather up my books. Julia is waiting for me by the door. She still looks pissed. I prepare myelf for the invetiable _WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME_ but her words surprise me.

"I can't believe Ian did that." her voice is full of venom as we walk down the hallway. "He is such a jerk."

"Speak of the Devil," I say dryly as my ex boyfriend appears on the other side of me.

"Sydney, listen," he says quickly. "I just wanted to say-"

"No one cares what you have to say," Julia spits. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have much more important things to do than talk to you."

I smile softly. "You might want to back off, Ian." I say to him. "You've awoken the dragon."

He frowns deeply. "Look, I get that you're upset with me. I didn't plan on going up there but then Keith-"

I snort loudly. "Keith!" Ian knows how I feel about Keith Darnell. "I forgot you're still hanging around that waste of matter."

"He saw me write down...what I wrote," Ian stammers. "And of course, well you know Keith, he was being a total asshole about it. But I told him it wasn't about you. I said it was with someone after we broke up. Because I didn't want him, or anyone else, giving you a hard time, you know."

"That's very thoughtful of you," I deadpan.

"Anyway, so he was like 'if it's not about Sydney, then prove it.' So that's why I...that's why I went up there."

"That's a really cool story, Ian." Julia exclaims with fake enthusiam as we round the corner. She grabs my arm and pulls me away from him. "You'll just have to tell us it again sometime."

We have lunch next and I give her hand a squeeze as we make our way to the cafeteria. "Thank you."

"I take back what I said," she says. "You two are _not_ meant for each other. He sucks."

"Listen, Julia." I take a deep breath. "Please don't say anything to anyone. Not even Kristin. I'm not...ready to talk about it."

She hooks her pinky in mine and squeezes. "I promise."

* * *

"Okay, but how hot is he?" Kristin asks excitedly as Julia relays the events of what happened in Mr. Ivashkov's class. "Like scale of 1 to 10."

"Ummmm," Julia exclaims, "like, 100."

"Seriously?" Kristin raises an eyebrow.

"Oh my gawd, Kristin. I was _melting_!" Julia groans as if she's in pain. I am trying to ignore their conversation. I feel a nudge in my side. "Tell her Sydney."

I look up at Kristin and shrug. "I really didn't think he was that hot."

"Oh, whatever!" Julia snorts. "You were practically drooling when he was standing in front of you."

I scoff, silently hoping I'm not blushing. "I was not."

"No need to lie," Julia pats my shoulder. "We all were, hon. I don't even think it should be legal to be that good looking."

"I don't think it should be legal to be such a jerk."

"He's a jerk?" Kristin asks curiously.

"Oh, please! He was just messing with you." Julia rolls her eyes. "And you started it, calling him out like that."

"You started a fight with a teacher?" Kristin's eyes go wide. "What has gotten into you?"

"I didn't start anything!" I reply defensively. "He's just awful. He needed someone to knock him down a peg."

"I'd knock him down a peg, if you know what I mean," Julia purrs.

Kristin laughs. "Yeah, good luck with that."

"You just watch, he'll be powerless to my charms. Sydney will be my wing woman."

"Hardly," I say. "I'm going to talk to Ms. Carter after school. I'm transferring out of that class as soon as possible."

"What?" Julia shrieks. "No! You can't. Who will hold me while I cry over Adrian's perfection?"

"Adrian?" I ask.

"That's his first name," she giggles, holding up her phone. "I looked it up on the school website."

I shake my head. "You're insufferable."

"I'm in love," she counters.

I sigh heavily. "I don't want anything to do with that class. Painting doesn't interest me and I don't want to be around Ian and Keith, to be honest. Or that awful teacher."

Julia frowns at the mention of Ian. "I understand," she says. "But come on, I'll be there to have your back. And if you transfer out they'll just think they won."

"Won what?" Kristin asks. "What have I missed?"

"Nothing," I say.

"They were just being assholes to Sydney," Julia says flippantly.

"They can think they won, I don't really care. I'd much rather spend my senior year in classes I actually enjoy, with people I enjoy, and teachers who aren't horrible."

"I'd really like you to stop insulting my husband," Julia teases.

"Jules...you need help," Kristin says. "But maybe you should stay in this class, Syd. Someone needs to keep her in check."

"No can do," I shrug. "I already made my appointment with Ms. Carter. You will never see me in that class again."

* * *

"But you don't understand," I plead with Ms. Carter. "I can't go back to that class."

"I already told you, the school is much stricter about students transferring in and out of classes all willy nilly these days. Once you're in, you're in, unless of an extreme case. I thought we decided this class would be good for you. You mentioned wanting to try new things. Perhaps you just haven't given it the proper chance."

I shake my head emphatically. "It's not the class. It's the teacher."

She gives me a curious look. "Mr. Ivashkov?"

"Yes." Just the sound of his name is starting to make me angry. "He's horrible."

"What do you mean?" she looks concerned now.

"He's completely unprofessional," I start to rant. "Inappropriate. Rude. And...and...just...ugh."

"Can you give me any specific examples of these allegations?" she asks, taking out a pen.

"He picked on me the entire class," I say, which sounds really immature and whiny, but I'm desperate to get out of this. "He made inappropriate comments about the way I dress."

That gets her attention. "Sexual comments?" she leans forward fiercely.

"Oh," I say quickly. "Oh, no. No. Nothing like that. He was just...I don't know...rude." I'm starting to realize I don't really have much of a case here.

"Hmm," she says. "Well, regardless, I agree that is certainly inappropriate. Did you give him any reason to treat you differently from the other students?"

Um. Kind of. "No," I say quickly. "He also smelled like alcohol." It's true, underneath the layers of cologne, I could definitely smell it on him when we were close. "And he pulled out a cigarette right in front of me. He could be smoking on campus for all we know."

She frowns, looking troubled. "Anything else?"

I think for a moment. "Uh, no. Not really. But as you can see, I just feel very uncomfortable in his class and I'd very much appreciate being transferred somewhere else. Anywhere...else."

"It's highly doubtful I can swing that for you," she sighs apologetically. "I'll see what I can do, but don't hold your breath. On the other hand," she says, ushering me toward the other. "If Mr. Ivashkov continues this inappropriate behavior, I do hope you'll come report it to me or another counselor. I'll speak with Principal Kingston about it."

"Thank you," I say, though she really hasn't helped me at all.

* * *

I am currently having a mental breakdown in the girls restroom. It's only the second week of school.

After my last class I checked my phone to find an angry voicemail from my father.

He had found out, through Ian's father, about the break up.

He was furious.

Aren't fathers supposed to take your side?

Aren't they supposed to give you a bear hug and call you a stupid nickname and say that boy doesn't know what's good for him?

Or is that just on TV?

My father, in real life, told me I was being 'ridiculous' and I needed to 'fix it'.

"_I don't know what's wrong with you_," he had said.

"_If you're just looking for attention_," he had said.

"_You've embarrassed the family_," he had said.

"_You will fix this_," he had said.

I close my eyes. I take a few deep breaths. I exit the stall and catch sight of my reflection in the mirror. I have mascara streaks running down my face. I sniff angrily and grab a disgusting, rough, brown paper towel and wipe the smudges away leaving red blotches behind. I take another deep breath and wash my hands. I hear the bell ring and I jump. Great. Just great. On top of everything else, I'm late for class. And not just any class.

"Well, well, well." Mr. Ivashkov whistles when I walk in the room. "How kind of you to grace us with your presence, Miss Sage."

"I'm sorry, I know I'm late. I wasn't feeling well."

"Do you have a signed excuse from the nurse, then?" He's smiling. He knows I don't.

"No, sir." I say quietly.

"Ah, well, that's just too bad." he says. "Take your seat, Miss Sage."

I can hear giggling and whispering from a few of my classmates. Julia looks at me worriedly. I give her a quick half smile and walk to our desk. I look up and my heart sinks. He's already filling out a detention slip. I have never, ever, in my entire life, had detention. I've also never been late to a class. This school has a very strict late policy. The one-and-done, they call it. One late gets you detention, no matter what the circumstances.

He's smiling when he finishes, ripping the slip from its binding and placing it in the detention slip box on his desk. I swear, it's like he's just been waiting for me to mess up in some way. Ever since that first day, he's just hated me.

After class is over, I tell Julia to head to lunch without me. I'm already in enough trouble with my father as it is. I can't have this on top of everything else.

I approach him tentatively. "Mr. Ivashkov?"

He looks up from his desk and smiles. "Miss Sage."

I clear my throat. "I just wanted to speak with you about-"

He puts his hand up to stop me. "You're not talking your way out of this, Miss Sage."

"But-"

"Look," he says. "I know your type. Stuck up little grade grubber who thinks she can get whatever she wants? Well, not this time. Won't work on me. I'm not Ms. Carter."

"I-what?" The insult flies right past me at his mention of Ms. Carter. "What does she have to do with anything?"

"She spoke with me about the little chat you had on the first day of school. She and Mr. Kingston." he shot me a scathing look. "No one likes a tattle tale, you know."

That surprised me. I had no idea she'd done anything like that. She never got back to me about transferring out of the class so I'd just assumed that was the end of it. Did he get in trouble over that? Well, I mean, it's not like it wasn't deserved. But still, that wasn't my intention.

"I wasn't trying-"

"To make an enemy?" he asks dryly. "Well, you did." he taps the detention slip box with a smirk. "Run along now, Miss Sage. Tardiness is a slippery slope, I hear."

* * *

"I don't know what I'm going to do," I grumble dismally to Kristin and Julia before History.

"It's just detention," Kristin says, trying to make me feel better. "I mean, everyone gets detention as least once in their lives."

"Not me. Or you, for that matter."

She pats my shoulder. "It's really not that big of a deal."

"They call your parents." I say. That's all that needs to be said.

"Those calls are automated though," Julia says. We both look toward her.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"When you answer the phone its just a recording saying that your child has detention and when they're supposed to report for it and where, you know, all that junk. So if you answer it when they call, you can just delete it off the caller ID and your parents will never be the wiser."

We gape at her.

"You're an evil genius," Kristin nods approvingly.

"You think..." Hope swells in my heart. "You think that will really work?"

"It's worked for me," Julia shrugs.

"And whenever you have to serve your time you can just tell your parents we're studying at the library or something," Kristin adds. "We'll cover for you."

"Solid," Julia agrees, bumping her fist with Kristin's.

I'll never understand what I did to deserve such good friends.

The next week passes in a blur. School. Avoiding Ian and his idiotic friends, who despite his most "gallant" efforts, do insist on messing with me. Trying not to tangle with Mr. Ivashkov, who also insists on messing with me. Home. Avoiding my father like the plague. Telling him I'm "working on it" whenever he asks about Ian. Trying to stay on his good side, if you can even call any of his sides good.

One upside is that I did manage to intercept that call from the school. Unfortunately my glee was short-lived when I realized the teacher who gave you detention is the teacher you have to spend detention _with_. The only pleasing thing about that is the fact that he hates me just as much as I hate him. So he'll be equally as miserable. There's always a silver lining.

* * *

Everything changes on the date of my detention. I'm sitting in Mr. Ivashkov's class, taking notes from a video on color theory, when Keith gets up to sharpen his pencil. On the way back to his seat he drops a folded up paper onto my desk. I stare at in confusion then look up at him. He winks and goes back to his seat. God, he's such a slimeball. I'll never understand why Ian hangs out with him. I unfold the note, assuming it's from Ian, as Keith and I certainly don't have anything to talk about, and my stomach drops. One word. Four letters. In big block lettering.

**_SLUT. _**

I barely have time to react when Mr. Ivashkov's voice cuts through the silence of the classroom.

"Passing notes, Miss Sage?" he asks. "Just can't seem to stay out of trouble, can you?" He had to have seen Keith pass me the note in the first place. What, was he just waiting to strike until after I opened it?

"You know when I was in school," he says walking over to me, "and we got caught passing notes, the teacher usually made us read it out loud to the class."

I feel suddenly overwhelmed. My throat goes tight and I find it hard to swallow. My vision starts to soften up with tears but I am not about to let that happen.

I don't say anything. I don't even look up at him. I feel him take the note from my hands. Nothing happens. Then sudenly he's walking away from me, crumpling up the note and throwing it in the trash. I take a deep breath and try to bring my attention back to the video. I don't know why, but I can't. I feel really panicky. My hands won't stay still and my heart's beating much faster than it should be. I try to quietly take a deep breath to calm myself but it doesn't do much good.

"Are you okay?" Julia whispers.

I nod and lay my head down on the desk. I close my eyes, take another deep breath.

After a few moments I hear Mr. Ivashkov's voice again. "Let's keep our heads up, people." At least he's not technically singling me out. I hate the way he says my name.

As I'm slowly lifting my head back up I hear Keith's voice call from the back. "Sydney's really good at keeping her head down from what I've heard." The boys around him break into scandalized laughter. Julia's head whips around to glare at him.

"Keith Darnell," Mr. Ivashkov says over the noise. "Get out of my classroom."

That stops them all short. A moment of silence passes. Keith doesn't say anything.

"I don't know if you're deaf or just stupid, Mr. Darnell, but I really don't like to repeat myself." I don't think I've ever heard Mr. Ivashkov speak so...coldly. I mean, he's been outright rude to me before but it's always laced with that smarmy, jovial sort of air. Right now he just sounds...angry.

Keith walks up to the front of the class and shrugs. "Where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't know," Mr. Ivashkov sighs. "I don't really care. But make it quick because quite frankly I'm tired of looking at you."

The class is really losing it now. Keith scowls but does as he's told. I can't help but crack a small smile. I notice, then, that the tightness in my chest, the panicky feeling that was taking over my body, is gone.

* * *

"You're so lucky," Julia coos. "I'd give anything to spend some alone time with him."

"I don't think we'll be alone," I say, shaking my head at her. That thought never even occured to me. I swallow. "Will we?"

She shrugs. "I was the only one in detention with Mr. Humphrey once. It was awful. He made do that thing where you clap erasers together. The whole time! Like it was 1950 or some shit."

"He's insane, though." Kristin points out. "Like, he's always going on about how we've never really been to the moon and how foreign countries don't actually exist."

"I'm starting to wonder about the hiring process of this school," I muse, as I walk Kristin and Julia to the front entrance.

"So what's the story again?" Julia asks as we are saying our goodbyes.

"I told my parents we're studying for a History test at the library."

"Seems simple enough," Kristin nods. "Maybe we should actually go to the library if Mr. Sage decides to go extra crazy and do a drive-by. We could just find a random blonde girl and sit really close to her. Fool-proof plan."

I laugh. "You two, I swear."

"I just can't believe you're actually lying to your parents," Julia says. "Remember after my 13th birthday party when you went home and cried because we watched an episode of _Supernatural _and you thought you were going to hell?"

"Vaguely," I reply.

"Hey," Julia says, her voice going soft. "What did that note say? The one Douchenell gave to you?"

I shake my head. "Not important."

"Is he still messing with you?" Kristin asks, eyebrows raised. "I swear one of these days I'm just going to smash his face into a locker."

"I thought Mr. Ivashkov was about to do that," Julia says in a wistful voice. "He was, like, _pissed_."

I shrug. "He probably just hates Keith just as much as the rest of the free world."

"Text us when you're done, I want full details on every sexy thing he does."

"Okay," Kristin says, grabbing Julia by the shoulders. "Time for you to go now."

"Im serious!" Julia calls as they walk away. "Full. Details!"

Like I said. Best friends ever.

* * *

To my utter and complete dismay, it is just Mr. Ivashkov and me.

"You know when I gave you the detention I had no idea I was the one who had to be responsible for you." he says when I arrive.

I bite back a smile. "That makes two of us. I guess we both grabbed the short straws."

He scoffs. "Well. What am I supposed to do with you now?"

I gesture toward the board. "I hear eraser clapping is back in style."

He groans in protest. "Ugh, no way. I had to do that once. My lungs have never been the same since."

"Right," I nod slowly. "I'm sure it had nothing to do with all the cigarettes."

He laughs at that. "You're just a walking, talking Montana Meth Ad aren't you?"

"I could help you grade papers," I say a little too eagerly. I can't help it, it's one of my favorite pasttimes.

"That would actually be pretty cool," he says. "I don't even know why assigning written tests in a painting class is required, but, Jesus." he glances toward my neck, noticing the cross. "Uh. No offense."

"None taken," I say, walking toward him to receive the bundle of papers he's now holding out to me.

"Here's the tests," he says. Then grabs another long sheet and hands that to me as well. "And the answer sheet."

I take a seat directly in front of his desk and pull out a red ink pen and get to work.

"So," he says after a few minutes of silence. "You don't really seem like the type to show up late for things. What made my class so special?"

I look up at him and frown when I see he has a lit cigarette in his mouth.

"What?" he asks, taking a long drag. "Are you gonna tell on me again?"

I roll my eyes. "You know, I really wasn't trying to get you in trouble. I just really wanted to get out of your class and it just sort of came out when I was ranting. That's all."

His eyes widen. "Am I that terrible to deal with on a day to day basis?"

"Yes," I say, looking back down to the tests. But I'm smiling.

"You never answered my question."

I look back up at him. "You really want to know?"

He nods.

"I was crying in the girls restroom and I sort of lost track of time, you know, through my choked sobs." I don't know why I just admitted to that, but there's just something about this situation, and Mr. Ivashkov, that makes me want to be honest.

He looks at me for a moment, then frowns. "Is it that little asshole Keith? I mean, is he like harrassing you? Because I've got no problem making his life a living hell."

I'm surprised at his fervent reaction. "Oh, no. I mean. He's the worst. But I can handle him."

"What's his problem, anyway?" Mr. Ivashkov shakes his head. "Did you just reject him one too many times?"

My face flushes. This conversation is taking a turn I did not anticpate. "No. He's um, he's friends with my ex boyfriend." The honesty continues to pour out of me. "And I think he thinks it's like his duty as his 'bro' or whatever. You know, to be mean to me." I roll my eyes.

"Good to know high school boys are still idiots." Mr. Ivashkov sighs.

"So what was it, then?" he asks after another moment of silence. "I mean, why were you upset?"

I pause. I look at him. There's something...I don't know. The conversation flowing between us so easily, his concern for my well-being when it comes to Keith, where is all this coming from? Is this the same man who called me a, what was it, stuck up little grade grubber? Maybe Julia's right and I just take his constant teasing too personally. Maybe he's like that with a lot of girls in his classes. For some reason that thought strikes me in an odd way. I don't exactly like it.

"I'd just gotten an angry voicemail from my father," I say still looking down as I mark off incorrect answers with my red pen. "I just wasn't really prepared for it. I don't know. He's said worse things to me before. But he was _really_ angry with me. And he told me I'd embarrassed my family. It's so silly, I know. But it just really, you know, got me."

Did I actually just say that out loud? What am I doing? I bite my lip and focus intently on the paper I'm grading.

"Damn," I hear Mr. Ivashkov say after a few moments. "Embarrassed the family..." he chuckles. "If I had a dollar for every time my father said that to me."

"You?" I ask, looking up. "Embarrass your family? I simply can't imagine."

He gazes at me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

"If I was going through all that..." he says, not taking his gaze off me. "Your dad being an asshole at home, kids being assholes at school, your teacher always giving you shit," he smirks. "Hell, I wouldn't even come to school. And you, I bet you don't let any of those straight A's slip do you?"

"Who ever said I get straight A's?" I ask quietly.

"Don't you?" he grins.

"Irrelevant." I smile back.

"I never would have expected it, I mean, you never really talked back to me after that first day. I figured you were kind of...spineless."

"Excuse me?" I scoff indignantly. "Talking back to teachers isn't something that's exactly encouraged. I can't afford to get in trouble for things like that. If my dad even knew about this..." I trail off, I'm not enjoying this conversation so much anymore.

"No, I get it." he says, leaning forward. "You have to pick your battles, I suppose. You've got that whole quiet strength thing going on. I can respect it."

"Thanks, I guess." I say, not really knowing how to react to the compliment.

"So how are you keeping this from your old man, then?" he raises an eyebrow.

I can't help but laugh as I explain the convoluted deception I'm currently pulling off.

He shakes his head, laughing as well. "I never would have thought of that. That's...kind of awesome."

"I suppose it is," I say. "I don't really like lying but..." I shrug.

A long stretch of silence passes. I check my watch to see my hour of detention is almost up. I'm suddenly a little...disappointed. I don't know why.

I finish grading the stack of papers and hand them off to Mr. Ivashkov. "All done," I say with a small smile.

He looks up at me like he's going to say something but when our eyes meet his expression changes. His gaze goes sort of unfocused and he just...stares.

"Is something...wrong?" I ask.

"It's just...your eyes," he breathes. "How have I never noticed them before?"

My eyes? I blink. "What...what about them?"

"The color," his voice drops even lower and my heart stutters slightly. "It's like...molten gold. It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

Did he just...call me...beautiful?

I'm definitely blushing now. "I..." I try to say, but I'm too flustered to come up with any more words. "Um. Thank...you."

He shakes his head like he's just snapped out of a trance. "Sorry," he clears his throat. "That was...I'm sorry."

"Uh, it's fine." I say, still slightly in shock. I check my watch again. "I think my time's up. Am I permitted to leave now?"

He looks at me strangely, and I get this weird feeling it's like the first time he's actually seeing me. Whatever that means. And then he's looking away, and the moment's over.

"Yeah," he nods. "Thanks for helping with the papers. Enjoy your weekend."

"You too," I say as I gather my things and head toward the door. "I'll see you on Monday."

The weird thing is, I'm actually looking forward to it.

* * *

I didn't tell Kristin and Julia what happened in detention. I don't really know why. I told them about the paper grading, and how he seemed nicer toward me than usual. But that was pretty much it. It was like weird, secret thing that I just wanted only for myself. I don't know what's wrong with me these days.

At least school is more bearable. I hardly notice Keith and his cronies and now that things are cool with Mr. Ivashkov I can actually relax in his class and enjoy myself. He is actually a pretty good teacher, when you get down to it. He has a way of commanding everyone's attention when he wants to. And the way he speaks is so engaging, I don't think I'd find the things he says to us interesting if it was anyone else who was saying them. He still teases me mercilessly, but I can tell it's not meant to be taken in a bad way. Sometimes when I have a few minutes after school I stop by his classroom to say hello and just talk to him for a little bit. And we email a lot. I really enjoy talking to him, to be honest. There's just something so easy about it. I feel like I can tell him anything and he tells me things too and it just makes me feel...good. Happy, even.

Julia, of course, is pleased as punch I'm getting along so well with "her future husband" now. She says it's going to make things much less awkward at the wedding. I can definitely understand where she's coming from now, with her staggering crush on Mr. Ivashkov. He is...really handsome. And what she and all the other students who moon over him don't realize, is that's the least impressive thing about him. They know how funny and charming he is, sure. But they don't know how intelligent, or passionate, or loyal, or strong. I know things about him that would probably make lovestruck Julia burst into tears. He's been through a lot in his life and I have so much respect for him as a person.

Which is why, the first week of December, when I find myself for the second time on the verge of an emotional breakdown, his classroom is the first place I go.

"Hey Sage," he smiles when he sees me enter. It fades when notices my frenzied state. "You okay?"

"Not really," I say tightly. I pace back and forth, wringing my hands. I try to take a deep breath but it comes out pained and shaky.

He walks over to me and takes my hands. "What's wrong?" His emerald eyes, so full of concern, his hands warm in mine, they make me feel so safe.

"It's my dad." I say. That's all I have to say, really. He knows.

"What is it this time?" he asks.

"He's going to kill me."

Mr. Ivashkov gives my hands a squeeze and warmth splashes through my body. "Tell me what's going on."

"I can't get into it right now," I say, "I..." I pause for a moment, wondering if I should just tell him I'm sorry for being such a weirdo and leave. Instead I say, "I'm afraid to go home right now."

"Okay," he says, using his calming _It's Going To Be Okay_ voice. "Well, is there a friend's house you can go to?"

I shake my head. "Julia and Kristin are out of town with the basketball team."

"What about Ian?"

"Is that supposed to be funny?" I practically shriek.

He chuckles. "I'm sorry. Bad joke. I wouldn't take you there, anyway. You know how I feel about him."

I shake my head. Now's not the time for this. "I'm perfectly capable of taking myself somewhere."

"Not if you're having a panic attack," he says. "You're shaking like a leaf right now. If I let you drive yourself around the block I'd basically be a accomplice to murder."

I know he's trying to make me laugh and I almost smile, but none of his usual tricks are calming me down.

"Come on," he says after a moment, grabbing his coat from his chair and leading me out the door.

"Where are we going?" I ask, following numbly behind him.

"My place."

I freeze mid step. He keeps walking for a few feet until he realizes I'm not following him and he turns. "What?"

"That's really not necessary." I say. "You can just...I'm fine."

"You're a really bad liar," he smirks.

"Tell that to my parents," I say.

"It's no big deal," he says. "Just come hang out for a little while, until you've calmed down. Then we can figure things out from there."

It's not that I don't want to go with him, or that I feel uncomfortable. It's the opposite. Which is much more troubling. There have been times in the past where our...relationship has sort of...crossed the border from appropriately friendly to...not so much. There have been times where he's said things, and then I've said things. Things we shouldn't have said. Flirty things, you know. I tell myself they don't mean anything, that we're just joking. But sometimes I wonder if he's not. Sometimes, I know I'm not.

We've been alone together before, but only at school. If I go back to his apartment with him that's a whole different story. I don't think this a good idea at all.

"What if someone sees us together?" I ask.

He looks surprised. "So?"

"Well," I blush, "They might think..."

"They might think what?" A sly grin spreads across his face.

"I don't want to get you in any trouble." I say lamely.

He just shrugs. "You're acting like it's crime for a teacher to help out a student."

"Adrian..." I say, and it's the first time I've ever called him by his first name out loud. The sounds slide strangely off my tongue. But I like the taste of them.

"Look, you don't have to." he says, putting his hands up. "I'm just offering."

"I appreciate the offer," I say earnestly. "Really. It's very kind of you."

"So," he says. "What'll it be?"

I know it's a bad idea. I know I should just tell him to go. To let me sit in my car and wait out my anxiety until I can drive myself somewhere. I know in my gut if I go home with him it's not something I'll be able to take back. All of those things should bother me. But they don't.

I sigh and walk toward him. "Your place."

* * *

Once I'm inside Adrian's apartment I feel like I've been being a little dramatic. We've just been hanging out. Now I'm just embarrassed for myself. Making such a big deal out of coming over here.

After I'm calm and collected I call my mom to tell her I decided to drive up to the game to see Kristin and Julia. I consider actually doing that. I could use the girl on girl support. Adrian says if worst comes to worst he'll sleep on the couch and I can stay over. Either way, I've already decided against going home any time soon. Sometimes if I just avoid my dad until he forgets how mad he is at me, it works.

"You must be hungry," Adrian says. "I haven't got much here, but we could go get something if you want. Or order in, whatever."

"I'm not really hungry." I say. My stomach feels painfully empty.

He nods. "Well when you do get hungry, just let me know."

"Thank you," I say. "For, well...you know."

He shakes his head. "It's no big deal, I told you that. Always happy to help a student in distress."

I roll my eyes. "Right. You bring lots of students back to your apartment, then?"

His smile slices through me. "Why, are you jealous?"

I stick my tongue out at him.

He leans back against his couch. "You can take comfort in the fact that you are the first."

"I feel very special." I laugh.

"You should," his grin turns wicked. "I don't just let anyone into Chateau D'Ivaskov. Only the elite may enter."

We go on like that for awhile. Talking, like we normally do. There's nothing insidious about it. Maybe I've just been flattering myself, thinking sometimes his little comments mean more than they actually do. After awhile he manages to convince me to eat something, but gives up when I end up just picking at a bowl of grapes.

"No wonder you're so tiny," he says. "Do you ever eat?"

"I like grapes," I say, smiling.

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever." He leaves the living room and comes back a few moments later with a glass of wine and its bottle in his hands.

"Is that for me?" I tease.

He scoffs loudly. "Yeah, let's get the the little girl I invited over to my apartment drunk because that's not a bad idea at all." He downs the glass of wine in one drink and pours himself another. I don't have a problem with him drinking in front of me but I also don't really want him to get drunk.

I narrow my eyes at him. "I'm not a little girl." Is that really how he sees me? Just as some awkward kid who he takes pity on when she has the occasional emotional breakdown?

He cocks his head to the side, squeezing one of his eyes shut. "You look pretty small from here."

I frown and look away.

"You really want a drink that bad?" He nudges the wine glass toward me. "Take it. But if your dad shows up on my doorstep with a shotgun-"

"My dad doesn't care about me," I say bitterly.

"Then he doesn't deserve you," Adrian says and when I look back at him his expression is deadly serious.

"It really makes me mad, you know." he continues, "I mean, you're so great. He's got this crazy smart, funny, beautiful, awesome daughter. He should think the world of you. With my dad, at least it kind of makes sense. I was a complete fuck up when I was younger. But you're amazing. What more could he want?"

I blush madly at his words. I'm still not used to getting compliments like this. "Well with that sales pitch, who wouldn't want me?" I joke, trying to lighten the mood again.

He smiles. "You should employ me to follow you around and make you look better by comparsion."

I laugh. "Why is the teaching thing not working out for you?"

He cringes. "I hate it."

"Seriously?" I ask. "Why? You're so good at it."

"No I'm not!" he laughs. "I have no idea what I'm doing. The only reason I even got the job is because my family donated a shit ton of money to that school. The other teachers just treat me like I'm an idiot. Not that I care, I mean, it's whatever. Like I said, I don't even like it."

"If you could be doing exactly what you wanted, what would it be?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Shit, I don't know. I'd like to be a successful artist but that's just...stupid."

"I don't think so at all," I say, scooting a little closer to him. "Why are you always so hard on yourself?"

"Because I'm the worst," he pouts dramatically.

"Aww," I coo. "Does baby Adrian need some compliments to inflate his wounded ego?"

He swings his head toward me and smiles. "I'm glad you're finally calling me by my name now. I like the way you say it."

"How do I say it?" I ask.

"Like you like saying it."

"I suppose I do," I say. "It's a nice name."

"Thanks," he grins. "I've had it since I was born."

"Impressive."

"Yeah?" he asks." You should see my birthmark."

It's things like that that drive me crazy. Is he just joking or is he flirting or is he just trying to make me uncomfortable? Maybe a little bit of all three? I need to get ahold of myself.

"Remember when you used to hate me?" I smile, leaning back against the couch. This is a game we play often. When one of us is in a sour mood or the conversation lulls or just to be ridiculous, either he or I will randomly come out with this question. Right now I just need a change of subject.

He chuckles. "You're the one who hated me."

"Only because you hated me first."

"Oh, please." He scoffs. "I tried to engage you in friendly banter. And you run off to your counselor telling her I'm the spawn of Satan."

"You and I remember these events very differently."

"Well, I'm remembering them the right way." He says.

"I'm glad you stopped hating me," I tell him. "I honestly don't know how I would have made it through some of this school year so far without you."

He makes a face and I can tell the words have made him uncomfortable. Another thing we have in common. We don't take compliments very well. Adrian comes across as unrelentingly narcissistic, and he is to a certain extent, but he's also really insecure. Not that he has any reason to be. He's so much stronger than he realizes.

I sigh. "You're really amazing too, you know. Your dad should be proud of you. You should be proud of yourself."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, I do." I reply. "I've known you for what, almost 4 months now?"

"Maybe I just let you see the good stuff."

"Well then you're not doing a very good job of it, considering most of what you've shown me is kind of a mess."

He frowns. "Hey! I thought we were playing compliment Adrian."

"We are," I say and I realize our bodies have been getting closer and closer. "What needs soothing? Do you need me to tell you how devastatingly handsome you are?"

"Nah, I'm always sure of that." He smiles. "But I could use some more of this you're so amazing thing."

"You're kind of one of the most amazing people I've ever met," I say. "You need to start giving yourself more credit. I've told you that a thousand times."

"Maybe the one thousandth and first time will do the trick."

"You know all the girls at school have a crush on you," I say, and I don't know why I say it.

He raises his eyebrows. "What about the boys?"

I giggle. "I'm sure they do, too."

He shifts closer to me. "What about you?"

"What _about_ me?" I ask, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

"You're the only one impervious to my charms?" His face is so close to mine. His eyes are so green. His lips look so soft.

"I wouldn't say...impervious." I breathe, my eyelids fluttering slightly.

"What would you say, then?" he asks. I look at him for a long moment. I don't think. I say,

"Kiss me."

And he does.

The kiss is hungry from the start. His hands cup my face and mine grip his shoulders. His tongue pushes into my mouth and I love the taste of him. Rich and and warm and sweet. Kissing him is exhilarating and terrifying. It just feels like, finally. It just feels like, yes. This is all I ever want to do.

He pulls away from me abruptly and it hurts. Like, physically hurts.

"No," he pants. "We can't...I can't..." he shakes his head, flustered. "That was wrong. We can't do that again."

"I'm sorry," I say automatically. Even though I'm not. I am embarrassed, though. I don't have much experience with doing things without thinking. I've made a mistake and I can't take it back. Now I'm not sure what I should do.

My hands are still resting on his shoulders. I should move them. I don't.

"We shouldn't have done that." His voice is the sound of misery.

"I'm your teacher," he says

"You're my student." he says.

"God damnit, Sage." he says.

And he kisses me again.

This kiss is slower, more purposeful. This kiss is slow burning. Our mouths move against each other curiously, then passionately, then familiarly. This kiss lasts until our mouths are too sore to keep moving, and then lasts some more. It transports us to his bedroom and settles his body down ever so sweetly on top of mine. It travels down my spine and makes my skin tingle. It pulls me apart and puts me back together. I never knew kissing could feel like this. Suddenly every cheesy metaphor I've ever heard in a sappy love song makes complete and perfect sense to me.

He pulls away slowly and rests his head against mine. "This isn't why I brought you here, you know. I never expected..." he props himself up above me and reaches to tuck some of my hair behind my ear. "I still don't. We can...stop right now. If you want."

I reach up to run my hands through his messy hair, then place them on either side ofh is lovely face. "That's not what I want," I say.

"What do you want?" he whispers.

I used to think sex and love were the same thing. I mean, that's what I had always been taught. You didn't have sex with someone you didn't love and you didn't love someone you didn't have sex with. I realized pretty quickly after having sex with Ian, that wasn't the case. When I had sex with Ian, I did it because I thought I loved him. I thought that's what you did with someone you loved. I thought I'd felt something akin to passion or desire at the time, but compared to this, that was less than nothing. Right now, I don't know if I love Adrian. I don't know if he loves me. And to be honest, I don't really care. All I know is that I like him. I trust him. And I want him. I really, really want him.

"You," I say. And that's all he needs to hear.

* * *

Having sex with Adrian is so much different than having sex with Ian.

We did it quite a few times, Ian and I. And it was always just...I don't know. It was sex. And it was good, I guess. But not like this. To be fair, I'm sure Adrian has a lot more experience, but there's something else, a fire between us that simply didn't exist between me and Ian.

"Do you know how many times," Adrian murmurs, removing the last article of my clothing, "I've imagined you naked?"

I blush. "No."

"More than I can count." His lips are on mine again. "You showed up to school everyday," he continues, kissing down my neck, "in those ridiculous, adorable, little Business Woman Barbie outfits that I just wanted to peel right off you."

His words take me by surprise. I'm reminded of that first day, when he made fun of my outfit. Then I remember telling Ms. Carter about it, and the way she automatically jumped to conclusions, asking if he was making sexual comments toward me. A laugh escapes me.

"What's funny?" he asks, kissing along my collarbone.

I sigh. The sensation of his lips on my skin is wonderful. "Is that why you were so mean to me?" I ask, smiling. "Because you had a crush on me? Because that cliche is really annoying."

"I was never mean to you," he argues, kissing up to the other side of my neck. His teeth bite down on my skin gently and I whimper. I love the way it feels.

"You were the one who was mean." He makes a low, growly sound against my skin as he kisses his way back to my mouth. "But I loved it."

"_You_ were mean," I insist against his lips.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't realize I was having any effect on you at all, really. Everything I said just kind of seemed to roll off your back."

"So you liked me from the start?" I tease, nuzzling my nose against his.

He chuckles. "Of course I did."

"I really did think you hated me," I laugh. "And all that time you were just imagining me naked."

"Exactly," he smiles. "Though even my wildest fantasies don't do the real thing justice. Not even a little bit."

I bite my lip, suddenly shy. "Shut up."

"I'm serious," he pulls himself up so he's straddling me. He runs his hands slowly down my body. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

I close my eyes, fighting back the urge to make embarrassing sounds. "You must not have seen a lot of things, then."

"I've seen it all," he tells me. "I'd much rather look at you."

"You're not so bad, yourself." I say, running my hands down his bare arms.

That's when things sort of start to blur. My hands touch him. His hands touch me. His mouth, his teeth, his tongue, everywhere. My legs wrapped tightly around his neck. His hands gripping my hips. More kissing. More touching. Our bodies grinding restlessly against each other until he finally, finally, places himself between my legs and presses his mouth up against my ear.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

My arms encircle his neck and I have never been more sure. I move my mouth to his ear. "Yes."

It hurts a little bit. He's bigger than I'm used to and my body needs a minute to adjust. He's slow and gentle and patient. Then, he isn't. And it feels so, so good. I can't stop myself from making those embarrassing sounds anymore. But I don't think Adrian minds because he's making them too. He tells me I'm so sexy, that it feels so good to be inside me, that he's wanted me for so long.

I find speech virtually impossible. All I can do is clutch wildly at his back, dig my nails into his skin, rock my body against his, and make those not-so-embarrassing-anymore sounds.

"Adrian," I say, when I finally find my voice.

He kisses me hard. He whispers my name right back to me. It's not long before my head strains against the pillow it rests on. Muscles contracting rapidly. Eyes rolling back. The whole nine yards.

Then it's just the two of us, breathing heavily, stuck sweaty together and satisfied.

"We can't go back now," Adrian's rough voice tells me.

"I know," I say.

"We really shouldn't have."

I snuggle in close to him. I don't know what else to say.

We stay like that for awhile. Then he disentangles himself from me and starts getting dressed. I assume that must be my cue to do the same.

He gives me a long, lingering kiss when he drops me off at my car. I don't like the way it feels. It feels like, I'm sorry. It feels like, goodbye.

* * *

The weekend is horrible. My father didn't forget he was mad at me. He's still not over the fact that I 'ruined my relationship' with Ian. I don't understand why it's important to him. I mean, I get that he and Ian's father are close and it just made sense for us to be together, but I wonder if it was just because it was another facet of my life he felt like he was indirectly in control of.

I stand up to him, which is a mistake. A loud, angry, violent mistake.

My hours with Adrian at his apartment seem so far away now and I can't help but wonder if perhaps I made the whole thing up. I send him a long-winded email about what went down with my dad that he doesn't respond to, which makes me feel really awesome.

I can't tell Kristin and Julia about Adrian. I mean, I suppose I could, but at the same time, I know I just...can't. It's not right to ask them to keep that kind of secret. And honestly, I'm afraid they might look at me differently. I picture Julia's fierce protective face in my mind. I retell myself Kristin's fiery words. It's not exactly enough, but it's better than nothing.

School on Monday is even worse.

My friends can tell something is bothering me, I tell them about what's going on at home, and hope they don't suspect I'm keeping anything from them. Lying to my parents is one thing. If I'm lying to my best friends, then who the hell can I tell the truth to?

Adrian doesn't glance my way one time during class. I try to tell myself I don't care.

I go to his classroom after school against my better judgment, but he isn't there. He probably knew I'd come looking for him. I remind myself that I don't care.

The next day is a different story.

I'm not going to let him get away with just phasing me out and ignoring me. He made the decision to have sex with me and if he regrets it then it's his own fault. He should at least have the respect for me to tell me these things. He told me high school boys were idiots, well he's acting exactly like one.

He's actually in his classroom this time after school. For the first few minutes after I walk in we just stare at each other.

"I'm mad at you," I finally say.

He nods. "Yes, I know that."

"Do you know why?" I ask.

"I have a few pretty good guesses." He smirks.

"I'm not really in a joking sort of mood."

The smirk disappears. "No, I guess you wouldn't be."

"I just don't understand where you get off treating me like this." I say. "I mean, I thought you were my friend."

"That was my first mistake," he says. "I never should have made you feel like I was your friend."

His words hit me like a slap. "You're disgusting," I say.

"I don't disagree," he sighs. Then he says, "Are you okay?"

I scoff. "You don't get to ask that."

"I only read your email this morning," he says, which I wasn't expecting. "That's why I decided to stick around in case you came looking for me. So we could, you know, talk about it."

"So are we just going to act like nothing happened, then?" I ask. "Because if that's what you want to do, you should at least have the decency-"

"I don't want to act like nothing happened."

"Why did you take so long to read my email?"

He gives me a rueful smile. "I was afraid of what it would say."

I blink at him. "Why would you be afraid?"

"Sydney," he says, a rare use of my first name from him. "That night. You were...upset. You vulnerable. I mean, Jesus, you were coming off a panic attack and I just selfishly took advantage of that. I took advantage of _you_. And I feel like complete shit about it."

My anger deflates. "First of all, you didn't take advantage of me. I'm a perfectly rational living, breathing adult, if you haven't noticed. I wasn't under the influence of any mind-altering substances. Though, you sort of were, so if you want to get really technical about it I'm the one who took advantage of you."

His mouth quirks up at the side.

"Second of all," I say. "You should have told me all this days ago. I don't care if you felt bad or if you were scared of what I might have to say or if you thought I was upset with you. Ignoring me is never okay. I deserve to know what's going on in your head if it has to do with me. I would think you would have that much respect for me."

"I have all the respect in the world for you," he says. "You know that. Look, I'm sorry. You're right. I'm wrong. I get that. I just...I freaked out a little bit, Sage. I'm still sort of freaking out."

"Why?"

"Because_ I'm your teacher_." he groans the phrase like it's painful for him to say. "I can't do this, Sydney. I can't be your teacher and have sex with you. You understand that, don't you? That line should never have been crossed."

"Then why did you cross it?" I ask.

"Because I'm crazy about you," he answers.

"I'm not a child," I remind him.

"You're still my student. I mean, what if you realize a week or two weeks or a month from now you don't want to be with me anymore? And you feel pressured into continuing a relationship with me because of the fact that I have power over you? I mean, you see what's fucked up about that, right?"

"That would be a problem if not for the fact that I know you'd never, ever manipulate me like that. And if you ever tried, I'd just punch you in the face. Therefore, I have no fear of it. So there is no pressure. "

That almost gets a full smile out of him. "I just couldn't live with myself if I felt like I ever forced you into anything."

"You haven't." I assure him. "Adrian," I drop my voice low. "Everything we did together, I wanted to do it. I loved the way it felt to be that close to you. It was amazing. And if I recall correctly, you seemed to enjoy yourself, too."

He really smiles at that. "Understatement of the century."

"I don't know how we can make this work," I admit. "But I'm willing to try."

"I can't say no to you," he tells me. "If you want me, I'm yours. Until you don't want me anymore."

"I want you," I grin. "For now."

I lean forward, not particularly caring that we're still technically in a public place. "Kiss me."

He does.

* * *

The weeks that follow are some of the happiest of my life. I mean, it's stressful. The sneaking around. The lying. I don't enjoy either of those things. At first it was kind of fun, it adds to the whole what we're doing is 'forbidden' thing. But that got old pretty fast. I just wish that I could be with him, really be with him, without having to hide it.

I hate, more than anything, not being able to tell Kristin and Julia about it. They've been in a constant frenzy over the back-to-school winter dance and everything that goes along with it. They don't understand why I'm bored and detached from the whole thing. It'd be a lot easier if I could just tell them that I'd much rather hang out at my boyfriend's apartment, most likely making out sans clothing, than strap myself into a constricting ball gown and slow dance to Edwin McCain songs.

I've worked out this system, it's really bad. But I started telling my parents that I drive up to where my sister Carly goes to college to visit her on the weekends. When really, of course, I'm just with Adrian. Carly covers for me. She doesn't know the whole story. Just that I'm dating 'an older guy' that mom and dad wouldn't necessarily approve of. I tell myself all these lies don't make me a terrible person. Of course, the good thing in all this, is Adrian. Being with him makes all the bad things worth it. When we're together I don't even think about them, just how happy he makes me.

Plastered against each other at night we tell each other everything.

I tell him I hate my body. He tells me he'll gladly take it off my hands, because it's perfect.

He tells me I'm perfect. I tell him he's lying.

He tells me he's afraid he's going to end up exactly like his father. I tell him I know exactly what he means.

I tell him how I was always afraid I'd never find anyone who understood me. He tells me he understands.

He tells me he wants to make something better of himself. I tell him he already has.

He tells me he loves me. I tell him I'm scared of losing him.

He tells me I never will.

* * *

"Ooooh," Kristin whistles when she sees me. "Who are you all dressed up for?"

I glance down at the red dress I'm wearing. It's probably the most adventurous thing I've ever worn, which isn't saying much. It's knee length and has a semi-modest neckline, but still. It is a dress. And it's red.

"Myself," I say, winking. It's not entirely untrue.

"You should probably start walking around with that Don't-Ask-Me-To-The-Dance sign we talked about," Julia teases. "Boys aren't going to be able to resist you today."

The one boy who I don't want to resist me takes notice as soon as I enter his classroom. He's angry with me, which is perfect. My phone buzzes with a text message right after I sit down. I pull it out and smile.

**_What the hell are you wearing?_**

I look up to see Adrian discreetly holding his phone under his desk. I roll my eyes.

_**What**? _I text back. **_You don't like it? _**

A few seconds later, another buzz.

**_It's awful. In fact, you should take it off._**

I have to bite my cheeks to keep from smiling.

**_Make me._**

"Miss Sage," Adrian's voice snaps my head up. "Are you texting in my class?"

Oh my God. I give him an innocent expression. "No, sir. Just checking the time."

"You know you're not permitted to have your phone out once class has started." I want to slap that smug look off his face.

He extends his hand toward me. "Come on, then. You can have your phone back after class is over."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Are you _serious_?"

"Oh, as a heart attack." he answers gravely. "I'm sure your boyfriend can survive the next 45 minutes without a response from you."

"Actually," I smile. "I don't think he can. You see, he's kind of needy."

Julia gives me an odd look, she's not used to me talking back like this. Normally I wouldn't want to risk anything that could possibly give anyone an inkling as to what's going on between us, but today is just that kind of day.

"Be that as it may," Adrian smiles. "I'm still going to have to confiscate your phone."

I scrape back my chair as noisily as possible when I get up and slap my phone down into his palm.

When class is over, I walk up to him, silently fuming.

"You're an asshole."

His eyes widen. "Miss Sage. Is that any way to speak to your teacher?"

"Give me my phone back," I say.

He digs it out of his pocket and holds it out of my reach. "Say please."

"I'm going to kill you." I tell him.

"Threatening your teacher can result in suspension."

I sigh heavily and perch myself on his desk. "Please," I say sweetly.

"That's better." he smiles, though he still doesn't give me my phone. Instead he leans forward and kisses me.

My legs wrap around his waist involuntarily as the kiss grows more intense. His hands fall forward onto his desk. "Someone could walk in," I pant as his lips move from my mouth to my neck.

"Don't care," he murmurs, pushing one of the straps aside to kiss my bare shoulder. One of his hands now grips my waist, pulling my body up against his. "I want you right now."

His words unhinge me and honestly in this moment, in the middle of a school day, right on his desk, I want him too.

"You better stop," I tell him, forcing myself to pull away from his hot, biting kisses. I reach blindly around the top of his desk until my hand finds where my phone skidded to. I grab it and maneuver myself so I can knee him gently in the crotch. Although in his excited state, it probably causes more pain than I intend.

"Ahhh," he groans, backing away from me. "Now you're just being mean."

"I'm sorry," I tell him genuinely. "You started it."

"_You_ started it," he grunts. His eyes travel down my body slowly. "That dress is just...not okay. How am I supposed to stand up and teach a class when all I can think about is how badly I want my face between your legs?"

"I have to go to lunch or my friends will know something's up," I tell him, ignoring his apparent pain. His hands wrap around my waist and squeeze. The sensation fills me up with tingling warmth.

"Tell them you went to the library or something," he murmurs quietly, so quietly, kissing up my neck.

This can't...we can't...we're not going to...we shouldn't-_wouldn't _go that far.

My head falls back as his lips reach my ear. Kissing, nibbling, sucking. My hands reach out to grip the front of his shirt. Stop it right now, is what I'm gearing up to say.

"Is the door locked?" is what I hear myself asking. Adrian's already half way to the door before the sentence fully leaves my mouth. I'm not going to do anything ridiculous. Just a little heavy handed making out. That's all I want.

"Is now," he whispers upon returning to his position in front of me.

"Five minutes," I warn half-heartedly as his hands return to my waist. His mouth on my neck again. Oh, yes. "Maybe ten," I concede.

"I can work with that," he say as his lips crash hard against mine.

We kiss like that for awhile, hungry and desperate like we've been starving for each other. I don't even care that my lips will look swollen and kiss bruised by the time we're done. I don't even care that I'm making out with my teacher in his classroom _on his desk_ in the middle of a school day. I don't even know who I am anymore. All I know is how good this feels, and how bad. Wonderfully, appallingly, _bad_.

One of my hands drifts down to the front of Adrian's pants. I run my palm up and down slowly and he sucks in his breath.

"Hmm," I tease, "What are we going to do about that?"

Adrian's hands drift to my thighs, hiking up the skirt of my dress. His hands slip underneath and I gasp when his long, elegant fingers graze up against me, stroking gently. Too gently.

"Hmmm," He smirks devilishly. "What are we going to do about _that_?"

I make a tiny noise and then bite my lip. "Don't," I try to command, but it comes out like a plea.

"Okay," he removes his hand abruptly and another strangled, high-pitched noise escapes me.

He kisses me deeply. A nice, romantic way of telling me to be quiet, I presume.

"We should stop," I whisper against his lips. I'm surprised how hoarse my voice sounds.

"Yeah," he agrees, tilting his head to kiss the other side of my neck.

"In a couple minutes," I breathe and the pressure of his lips intensify.

"Don't you dare give me a hickey," I beg.

"Good point," he plants a delicate kiss on the tender skin he was just sucking.

He swivels his head up and settles his forehead against mine. We are both breathing heavily.

"What do you want?" He murmurs, lips hovering just a centimeter away from mine.

What _do_ I want? An excellent question. Right now, all I really want is for the entire world to vanish so it can be just Adrian and me, alone together. Only for a little while. Maybe a couple hours. Then the rest of the world can go back to existing.

I actually tell him that, though it sounds even more stupid coming out of my mouth than it did in my head. And it sounded pretty stupid in my head.

Adrian smiles softly and I close my eyes, imagining. I feel him pressing his lips against my forehead, then against my closed eyes, then against my mouth.

"Well, unfortunately I can't make the world disappear, as much as I'd like to." He chuckles, "But..." He glances at the clock on the wall. "We've still got a few minutes left, we can pretend."

Pretending, as it turns out, is sometimes just as good.

There's no time for foreplay, no slow undressing, no teasing caresses. There's just a sweltering, animalistic need that suspends itself in the air around us. An invisible fire that laps viciously at our skin, urging my hands to undo Adrian's belt buckle while he roughly reaches underneath my dress to slip off my underwear. This is bad, this is so so so bad. And I think, perhaps, that might be the best part.

"Are you ready?" He asks in the lowest voice I've ever heard him use. "Do you need me to..." His hand drifts between my legs and I have to bite down hard on my bottom lip to keep from making a sound. I manage to shake my head, I don't need him to do anything, I'm already there. Though I'm sure judging from what he's doing with his hand right now he already knows the answer.

He removes his hand and put his fingers into his mouth, sucking. "Mm," he says. And he gets that look in his eyes. That _I'm Up To Absolutely No Good_ look. Oh, dear.

"I think _I_ might need me to," he whispers and before I can protest he's already down on his knees. Oh, no. Oh, _no_. He hooks his hands around my calves to pull me forward a little, causing my skirt to bunch up, and leans his head into-oh, no. No. No. No. No.

Oh, _yes_.

My mouth opens in a silent moan as his tongue, warm and soft, starts sliding against me. My hands grasp wildly for something to cling to and finally fall against the back of his head. In the process I think I accidentally push him harder up against me. Maybe accidentally-on-purpose. I look down, the sight of Adrian on _his_ knees, pleasuring _me_ with his mouth, is inexplicably sexy. I rock helplessly against him, my fingers clutching tightly to his hair, accessing every ounce of my willpower not to call out. His tongue swirls around the most sensitive part of me and I have to swallow back another moan. When he starts sucking there and my legs start to twitch uncontrollably is when I have to draw the line.

"Adrian," I rasp as quietly as I can," "S-stop, please."

He pulls back from me, trailing soft kisses on my inner thigh as he goes. I let out the long, shaky breath I didn't know I was holding. He straightens himself up and his hands push back the hair that's fallen into my eyes. "Sorry," he whispers not looking the least bit apologetic. "You just taste so fucking good."

A thousand snarky comebacks race through my head, but we're short on time and there are much more pressing matters at hand. I slide my hand into the front of his undone pants. Pressing matters, indeed.

He reaches into his pocket, pulling out his wallet and extracting a condom. He tosses the wallet aside and I giggle. He hastily rips the top off the wrapper and hands it to me. "You wanna do the honors?"

I smile, gingerly slipping the rolled condom out of the package and tossing the package directly into the trash.

"Nice shot," Adrian smirks.

I smirk back and slide off his desk, kneeling on the floor in front of him. I remember to pinch the tip of the material as I place it on him, to eliminate the chance of air pockets forming, compliments of sophomore Health Class. And then I lean forward to roll the condom down his shaft with my mouth, slowly and carefully, compliments of my big sister. And she was right, guys really did go wild over it. Adrian makes a low, strangled noise as I work my mouth up and down a few times, careful not to use my teeth, making sure the condom is securely and tightly in place.

I resume my position atop his desk, smiling innocently.

"Well," Adrian says after he's managed to compose himself, "That's the sexiest thing that's ever happened to me."

I reach out, my hands around his slim hips, and pull him toward me.

"I want you inside me," I tell him boldly. "Now."

His demeanor shifts from playful to prowling in less than a second. He grips my waist tightly and pulls me right up against him. He enters me roughly and without warning and it makes me gasp which he quickly covers with a kiss. I can taste myself on him and it just adds to the swelling eroticism of what we're doing.

It's strange how intimate it feels. I mean, we are essentially having a quickie on a desk, after all. But Adrian's strong, capable hands are gripping me so tightly as our bodies move together. There's no rhythm to it, no steady, comfortable pace. Just a wild, ceaseless crashing of hips against mine. Me mewling quietly and arching my back as the feel of him hard and deep inside of me starts to overwhelm me. I bite down hard on his lip as we kiss. He makes a sound in his throat.

"You are so goddamn sexy," he growls, slowing the pace of his thrusts. I let out a small, pained whimper and he speeds back up.

"Yeah?" he whispers hoarsely. "You like it like this?"

"Mmmm," is all I can manage. My head falls forward, knocking our foreheads together. My muscles tighten around him involuntarily and he gasps, shuddering slightly. He's close to coming. I think I am, too.

"Adrian," I say, begging, needing. My back arches almost painfully as a small spasm hits me.

Adrian puts his hands on my lower back, guiding my body against his expertly, the sweet, satisfying sensation of him inside me starting to take over my entire body. I feel my muscles start to contract again. Oh, oh, _oh_, yes. Adrian's body jerks slightly. He lets out a pained groan.

"Are you...?" I whisper up against his lips.

"Ladies first," he pants, though I can see he's struggling to hold it together.

It doesn't take much longer. A few more quick, deep thrusts and I'm spiraling over the edge of control, clutching at Adrian's shirt and squeezing until I'm sure my knuckles are white. I can't help the small high pitched cry that escapes me, and Adrian covers my mouth with his. Then he's following me over the edge, shuddering violently for a moment, then going slack against me. We pant against each other's mouths, kissing softly as we catch our breath.

After we've settled, Adrian takes it upon himself to gently put my underwear back on for me. He helps me smooth down my hair and assures me I don't look like a wanton mistress of the night.

I hop off his desk and give him one last quick kiss. "I love you."

It's the first time I've said it. Probably the least romantic time and setting. Seeing as he's still buttoning up his pants, and all. But it just felt right.

"_Really_?" He asks incredulously, but he's smiling. "That was all it took?"

I roll my eyes at his teasing and admit shyly, "I've never been in love before."

He shakes off his residual post-sex high and pulls me close to him again. "Me neither. Well, I mean, not like this."

"You think we can really make this work?" I ask him, letting my head fall against his shoulder.

"Well, why the hell not?" he asks cheerfully. "I think we make a great team. Couldn't have christened my desk without you."

"I was being serious, you know."

"I know," he says. "So was I." I look up to meet his gaze and he smiles. His voice takes on a serious, almost wistful tone as he continues, "In a few months, you'll have graduated. You won't be my student anymore. We won't have anything to hide."

"We'll still have to deal with my parents," I say.

"Can you just not ruin the cute moment I'm trying to create here?" He groans, squeezing me too tightly.

"Okay," I wheeze against him. "I'll be optimistic. We've made it this far already, a few more months is nothing."

"That's the spirit." he pulls back so he can press a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Everything's going to be okay, Sage. It has to be. We love each other."

It is a nice notion to hold on to. I can only hope it turns out to be true.


End file.
